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Hallways Of My Mind
There is a hallway trailing through my mind, that opens up to doorways that will transcend me to beautiful memories of love that were once mine The dates are not of importance, and neither is the age, just moments of love transcribed in my life depicted like pictures on a books page Smiles that bring back feelings of innocence, and lovers from long ago days that make me suddenly reminisce I can almost feel the happiness just as I did on those days, the ones that are hidden behind these closed doors where I keep them locked away Sometimes I get melancholy, sometimes I just want to feel, so I venture deep into the recesses of my mind to places when my heart once believed love was real There I see the wonder, the novelty shining through my own eyes, and I see the face of the lover staring back at me and I silently question myself why Why did I hurt him? Why did I let his love go free, he was young and so trusting in the same ways then as me I see me standing there as I let him hold me close, and I can almost feel his arms wrapped around me, but I know his memory is just a ghost I let the memory take me under and I let it soothe my skin, and I close the door because I already know how that story did end I open up another and there I see his face, the Romeo, the charmer, the one who loved the chase The one that was a romantic but at the same time a man with needs, and I know that he wasn’t faithful then at least not to me But I can respect that and take it for what it back then was, I was a girl so innocent and virtuous believing that she should be loved He was a boy wanting to love me but also wanting to prove he was a man, and I don’t hold that against him I just knew where I did stand There in this memory he holds my hands as his arms are wrapped around me tight, we’re lying in a field on a blanket enclosed in the darkness of the night But we’re not doing anything that you would think lovers would do, he took me to this beautiful place to show me something real and true There we lied in each other’s arms, and we watched the sun fade into the night, and we watched as the lights all come out over the city, we lived in burning so bright We were on top of the world in this memory or on top of a hill I guess you could say, and I truly did love him in my testing out the waters by touching and kissing role play I often think about him especially now that I am all grown, and sometimes, I’m reminded of his face as another passes by that could almost be his clone I see this person every day, and it captivates me, and makes me remember those nights in his arms where he tried to enrapture me But I close the door because I want to remember him that way, a boy that once loved me so much, but I let him get away There is another and I question myself do I dare open that door, because behind it lies a heart that I broke because I was just a silly girl This one, oh this one as I open up the door and see his face, it takes me back to those days when I myself was a disgrace There I stand in front of him, and I can clearly see his love for me there in his eyes, and I’m smiling and batting my eyes at him as he stands there mesmerized It’s strange looking at this moment, strange in the conflicted way that it makes me feel, I did love him but at the same time I wasn’t ready to deal He would have been a great one, maybe he could have been the truest of all, but as I close the door on that memory I’ll never know because long ago I made the curtain call I’m trying to prepare myself for what I know lies at the bittersweet end, the true love that I once existed inside of, but I never will again I visit this room often, more than I would like to admit, but I can’t help that my mind and heart are both a little selfish I love that he is here, and, in this room, I can remember him the way that I always want to, I can see the love manifesting between us and can feel the semblance so true So here in this hallway in my mind with its twist and turns and memories, I can revisit the most important pieces of my heart and remember what it once felt like to breathe.
Copyright © 2025 Amanda Kinzer. All Rights Reserved

Book: Reflection on the Important Things