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Letters from the front 1915
I am writing these letters to someone who no longer exists for me and if she ever did, she is lost somewhere in a past I can no longer visit. I write them for myself. I do not know why it is important I put words to what I feel and see but if I ever do make it back to the past where she waits, we can read them together and she can help me understand what happened. Letter from the front. September 1915 Is there a world where guns are silent The birds are not afraid to sing And nightmares do not invade my dreams? I want to be your hero my darling but tonight I sit in my foxhole shaking with fear Wishing there was a place where I could hide. Then I remember lying in your arms under our special tree The final summer when it was still possible to hope And I long to be with you, my darling A man died today because of me I killed him And I felt nothing as he lay in front of me nothing For this man who had not harmed me We did not even know each other until he died At my hands. My soul is stained with his blood Stains that will never go away. I tell you this, my love, so that if I do not return to you Someone will remember the man I was before I came here Remember the good in me and not this stranger I have become They lie those who say war is a great adventure we are fighting for peace They say and I want to ask them what peace? Is it for you those with power Or for the simple man who only wants to live a quiet life with his loved ones? Parades hide the noise of those who die in muddy trenches under grey skies The sun no longer visits they hide the tears of those who mourn friends and lovers No, I tell you darling, war is an adventure for old men safe at home May the glory be theirs. Letter from the front. October 1915 I smell roses We march and march through endless days Rain mud and grey fog surround us I smell roses and remember your garden We sat there late at night The scent of your roses wafted to us on gentle breezes There is no sleep my bed is wet the guns never stop Did I ever tell you about James? We met on the boat taking us here to war Neither one of us could sleep so we talked and never stopped The words kept the fear away made us think of home Well, he died yesterday. The guns were angrier than I remembered And I told James to stay down if we were quiet No one would know we were in the trench No one would come to kill us. I don’t know why but James stood up and the bullet tore into him He fell back in my arms and I talked to him Until I knew he couldn’t hear me. They wouldn’t let me take James with me I had to leave him behind And still, I smell the roses and remember your garden Sometimes I ask myself if I am going crazy And a voice answers that losing my mind Is the only way to survive If I am not here, then why do I hear the guns Smell the blood and drown in mud While officers scream to keep going The enemy is waiting just ahead for another battle I promise you, darling, that I will come home And so, it ended
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