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An Ode To Narcissus
All these years I tried to sugarcoat the pain you gave me I tried to understand your how’s Accept your when’s be absent in your where’s and ended up alone in my why’s I can’t even believe that I was able to melt I. was. Able. To. melt. In. your. Arms. You took all the safety from me All I could do was curl in or fight back I am such a rock right now With all you tossed at me Fists Vases Coffee cups Purple skins Chokeholds Kicks in ribs Lies and dreams All the worst saved for me And it was so often that my alchemy Failed inside At first, then I became more human Than any human alive I felt your pain Running in my veins I said what I thought I couldn’t I did what I thought I shouldn’t We dug the worst monsters inside of us And let then meet without rules to gamble with our trust I couldn't feel sometimes for the sake of life To protect my soul And carry on outside But that’s the worst trap When to ourselves We choose to lie You stuck around I don’t know why Hoping one day I could accept The version of me That you created in you brain And in my body and soul You sought to materialize But we were two children Just old outside Yet lost inside Pretending to know it all And having to face our own lies And it hurts inside Cuz I am still here evaluating my fears Of being again the victim of those who loves the reflexes on ponds But can't dive into their own night I don’t want to be echo I can’t be echo How could I become echo? So I follow Narcissus So I follow that light Was I lonely in desperation? Was I afraid of my own fight? Then I humble myself To understand That was the journey The tests set for my life I learned so much in here Who am I? Became Who I am What I used to fear No longer has a hold on me And hate dissipated Opening room For infinity Life and its lessons Nightmares disguised of dreams And it hurts still because I still believe in love Yet I forgot to believe in me So many times Steps of becoming That’s part of being me Being hurt by someone You gave all entirely yourself away Is such a test of strength Because how painful it feels to See you giving yourself To an illusion you will never Obtain Can your love for yourself Be enough to that pain Withstand? The difference between Weakness and strength I fell in love with everything When I could look with kind eyes To my darkest sins Every form of life Became kin to me At that moment Your attacks becames Yells of help And I heard your heart Silently weeping And the castles were made of sand And the words were said in vain And the laughs started to be Just to ease the pain Not fruits of hard work From a pair having cherished fun And it hurts And I lied that I was fine And I lied that I forgave And I lied that I would not despise Anything that deviate From the love that you contextualized To convince me to forever stay How could you change when you gained me Is it your sickness? Or you just gaming? How shameful it is I couldn’t get it Not even a bit How someone could be so close And so infinitely far away from me You hurt me You hurt me And I gave you all of me You almost change me forever Glad I recorded evidences of a favorable scene So I can remind of me when I believed You were real Not a decaying dream You can haunt another soul But I truly pray that instead You finally choose to grow To give that scared little boy inside The love that he wants most Yours I can never hate you Or anyone for that matter You are too beautiful Beyond that perfectly Shaped matter That somehow my soul Don’t crave no more I will keep walking to this new beginning This beginning is bright Full of love and meaning Brave enough To sprinkle truth in Resistant lies I accept that I became Something you cannot Hold tight And since you said I was once The best you ever had Thank you for the ride Be love Then love You will finally find Goodbye my love My ears became unable to hear reality constructs that are nothing more than lies It hurts But now It’s time
Copyright © 2024 Juliana Beaumont. All Rights Reserved

Book: Reflection on the Important Things