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Grimacing Grief
Consuming happiness to the point of no return, no return I let the fires in my bosom burn on and on and on Resuming on with my gladness, smiling — now, it’s your turn To shine on like the sun in the break of dawn I’m smiling away the pain, wrapped in my mindset… I’m smiling away the rain that suffocates my regret I’m smiling away the miles I ran with sweat on my brow I’m trying to forgive the lonely past, living in the now You assume that I’m so unbreakable and full of hopeful, doubtless paradise Well, think again, for I’m the lion who lies awake in silhouetted sorrow’s den So, I’m doomed to be in the gloom of the afternoon as the sun above shies Away from my windowpane and clouds above soaks in remorse once again Guilt overflows no more, For God’s miraculous mercy is strong — My heart silently swore That I’m healed to the core all along! Smiling consumption Is what I reap As I smile away negativity and no longer weep Dialing your number on my cellphone, Wondering if you’ll ever make me feel more than alone… Dialing your number on my cellphone, Meandering through my contacts all alone I’m sorry I’ve let you down as usual, Lord I tend to do things wickedly and foolishly when I’m bored… Or I just need someone to talk to when I’m lonesome and on my own… God knows I’ve tried to be a man of motivation till all evil’s gone I’m forced to hear politics of fornification and perversion and…also chaotic commotion and darksome division, Drowning out the vision of His word, which is ironic and idiotic that you’re so-called self-righteous in your arrogant mission Positivity reinforced in my headspace The time wasted on you is a disgrace The love I’ve spent on you was nothing to you of course… It all went back and forth to the feelings of dainty discourse and awful remorse I’m sorry I’m a letdown to you as a son…you must be ashamed of me or something Dad, I wish you’d understand that I still smile upon you when you talk about His instruction and wisdom Because I understand it mostly and I have a hard time following it entirely and everything Dad, I still want to keep His commandments and His biblical words of knowledge in my life, aside from the strife that I overcome I consume all this feeling of confusion and clarity all at once sometimes, but it clearly doesn’t matter I’m sorry I’m a long lost sheep, devoured by the wolf in sheep’s clothing I assume that individuals in general are talking their talk about me in a horrendous manner I’m sorry that my love from above has become as low as low can be loathing I never knew this feeling inside would resurface from the waters of woe — This feeling of incomplete indecisiveness inside is a wind that is always a-blow I’m smiling away the ache inside my breaking heart and I do vow — That one day, I will seek a healing-grace mend and a hope-endured cure to this agony somehow I smile still, feebly and fearlessly trying Not to be the man I used to be…I am a man of worthless words possibly — A pitiful fool and all that can’t stop crying Over your face, smiling with grief and leaving no room to be..truly happy… I’m grief-stricken because the death of you is on my mind both day and night I still long for your furry fierceness of a smile that filled me up with utmost might Your black and white coat and your joyous energy and spunk made me grimace with glory, honor and cheers Now, I sit here and weep rivers and rivers of tears, seeking God’s forgiveness for the wrongs I’ve done for years Please have mercy on my soul, for I have sinned against You and yes, all I say is true If anything, make me whole again with your positive perseverance…I long for your unconditional deliverance…You’ll always be in my profound remembrance I’m smiling away the grief and your radiant relief washes away my ridiculous rue Thank You, Father of fretless, forgiving faith, and thank you, father of mesmerizing, musical delight — they’re full of reverence and significance Good grief! I’m a forlorn leaf! My grimacing grief needs His relief! I wish this sorrow would be a dream and tomorrow is a day to be happy once more… I apologize for my what seems like forever grief…You’re still the Father of truth that I adore Please relieve me, let me grieve no more, free me mercifully, on and on forevermore I truly believe in Him throughout my tribulations and I must stay true to my spiritual belief, Even if it seems that godly change is a challenging chore…know that He loves us more Than any father or mother or friend or family or individual would and He provides us true Relief
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Book: Reflection on the Important Things