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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required -Shannon isnt my real identity -Shes only a mask -That iv had on for 26 years -She was never real -Not to me anyways -She had my personality -But she didnt sound like me -Feel like me -Or even look like me -Im not even sure what I realy look like -Or anything -All I ever knew was this -I am not shannon -I always felt so distant from the world -I tryed to belong -I had friends and family -But even then -I still felt like an outsider -In everything I did -Then several years ago -I learned about FTM -And it just clicked -I learned theres a hole would -Filed with people like me. -I was to scared to tell anyone -Exceped a few close friends and my boyfriend -So for 2 years after that -I lived as a male...kinda... -I dressed more "manly" -I cut my hair -But I didnt tell my family -Well most of them I didnt tell -I had a lot going on in my life -And I was uncerten of a lot of things -I started doubting myself -And I wasnt sure anymore if I was FTM or not -But I knew I wasnt "just a girl" eather -I was confused for a wile -Then a friend told me about gender fluid -She explained it to me -It kinda sounded right at the time -So I started claming gender fluid -But I still wasnt out to many. -For the most part I pretended to be a girl -And only taking the mask off -Every now and then -When I was a guy -And it was ok -I felt...happy..er -I stayed like that for a wlie -Without questioning anything -Dispite how I felt when I wore guys cloths -But then I started feeling it again -The confution -And the since of not beloning -The since of betraying myself. -So I started questionin again -I knew why I felt this way -Deep down that is -But it took me a wile -Before I could even say it to myself. -I baryed it deep down for so long -It was hard to bringit back again. -But I finaly did it -I got up the confedence -And I clamed it proudly -I am FTM -I am male -After I did that -I felt so much happier -Even though I was (and still am) scared to death -After a little wile I found out who I was -Under the mask -I found my proper name...Seth -And so much more. -And for the fiest tim in my life -I felt like I was realy able -To take of my mask and just leave it -But then -A month after I came out to everyone -Including work -I found out I was pregnant again -And my hole world just came crashing all around me. -This was everything I was working aganst -After fighting with myself -For a couple days with it -I finaly decited to go threw with it -And it wasnt easy to make the desition -I was so pissed at myself -For letting it happen. -I still am, just not as much -Then came time to start telling people -They all would find out sooner or later anyways -Some were confused -Most were exstadic -They all congragulatted me -And I tryed to pretend to be happy -But im not -Im in my own personal form of Hell -With only one way out -Months of torcher down the road. -Everyone was so thrilled -That I... -There "sister" -"Daughter" -And excetra -Was having another kid -They tryed to be sumpithetic and understanding -To my "unque" situation -But non of them truly get whats going on in my head -And how could they? -There not FTM -Anly another FTM could realy get it -A im aware of that -I am and always will be a man named Seth -Even during pregnancy (my last one) -But I guess the mask of Shannon -Is still pressent... -So ill put the mask back on -But only on the side -So both Seth and Shannon -Are partialy seen and covered -And ill put on a smile on both -So everyone thinks I am happy -And have it all under control -Just as a good parent -And parent to be should be -And then after the babys born -Ill take off the mask completly -And ill leave her behind to die -Without looking back -Then and only then -Will I finaly be free -Of that mask called Shannon.
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