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THREE WAYS of Swiping the World Cup
THREE WAYS of Swiping the World Cup "It is sweet and fitting/glorious to lay your life down for your country » - from a poem by HORACE (See my story selected to represent France in the 2006 World Cup held in Germany, entitled: « ZERO - ZERO » and published in Everyone has a Good Story: football. Barcelona: caféDiverso, 2006, pp. 158-156. ( Maximum length of stories: 1800 words. ) Manager/Coach: …a well-aimed kick at the hamstring should do the trick Player: …what…where’s the string anyway M:…you mutt head…don’t you know anything outside of the G-string P: …you’re asking me to do…to commit a crime M: …so…this’s for your country…your nation’s glory is at stake P: …right there in front of all the world watching M:…so what…when the invasion takes place, cameras are ready to report the glorious sacrifice of the patriot…think of the Normandy landings P:…you mean, this…this what you’re asking me to do in broad limelight is excusable M:…what d’ya think…how many cups are won thru respect of the game’s rules or even of other « allied » teams P:…I don't know if I really can expose myself in that fashion M:….d’ya want to warm the reserves' bench all thru the cup knock-out stage P:…ai…ai…what if I miss and kick her calf or something M:…what if I put you out of the next stage lineup P:… you wouldn’t do that…who’ll replace me M:…you want to bet…look it’s simple…keep your eyes on the referee…when she looks the other way, jab your boot right into her heel... from the back... P: …what about the crowd… M: …they’d be all roaring raucous mad, half out of joy, the other half in pain P: …what about the VAR guys M: …what about them…they’d be watching the action taking place elsewhere, besides all that festive flabbergast will dazzle their eyes and cripple their minds P: …you sure will put me in right from the start…no?...not like that Dolphin Maccaroni gal forced to sit it out game after game… all for just a couple of minutes at the end… the best charger with the ball I’ve played against...when she bounces down the turf, it's like a shoal of dolphins riding the crest of a tsunami, I tellya M: …you agree to do this for your country and I’ll guarantee ya full play-time but if you don’t, your number will be up on the HUBLOT board before half the half-time P: …so I have no choice M: …you're a clever girl… so you agree…ok…just a couple of other chores, if ya don’t mind… when there’s a scramble for the ball right in front of our goal, just make sure you use both hands to deflect the ball away from the goal-posts P: …what d’ya mean…deflect with hands…that’s a penalty for sure M: …not any more…the rules have been changed since before the quarter-finals… now you can handle… even fondle the ball or even berth it under your jersey an' Molly-coddle it an' walk right into the goal… no penalty… go right ahead and try… in fact, don’t try…just do it OR P: …don’t blame me if I get a RED card then M: … don’t ya worry…just do what I tellya and you’ll make it to the next World Cup safely bound P: …look, if that’s what it is, I’ll see what I can do M: … don’t just "see" what you can do…DO IT OR else P: … well, do you think you can put all this in writing and affix your signa… M: … the only thing you’ll see if you don’t agree to do what I want is the tv screen in your hotel room… don’t ya see, the nation’s honor is at stake P: …ok…ok since you put it that way M: ...bright girl….now there’s just one other thing… you know that mastodon who drills unstoppable goals thru rat holes P: …you mean that champion with the short platinum mop M: …yeah, I mean the same alright… the rest of the time on the field, keep close to her…in fact, close enough to whisper your private number in her ears… soon enough she’ll get the point, but stay stuck to her… so stuck so she can’t keep her feet on the ball… make eyes at her... if she still doesn't take the hint...trip her up and fall right onto her an' don't get up till they carry both of you out on the same stretcher... P: …what ya trying to do…make me a … M: … remember this’s for your country… dulce et decorum est pro patria mori… (c) T. Wignesan - Paris, June 30, 2019
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