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Proxy Wedding
Sweat is dribbling down my face, I am feeling hot I can still hear the cracking sound swirling around And the night dancing to its own rhythm The night suddenly fades in and the journey begin That night I finish school late And boarded the bus from Kingston town And got off at Spanish town Then hop on another bus to Linstead town And got on the last bus that was going In the direction of my country home in Dover Castle I got on the last bus about eleven pm, The night was dark and the road was bare and dry No car was around, just the country bus going out of town Not a person was insight except for the passengers And the driver directing the bus light I can clearly remember the cane field on either side of the road It was like a bus going through an unwinding tunnel And the silence of the night bore its weight upon my soldier I remember pressing the buzzer just before I reached my stop And the conductor asked me if someone was coming to meet me The bus was seven miles away from my country home Back then I was young, innocent, quite, and intuitive I had not attained the level that I had today but I could sense something unusual anyway. I stopped the bus and cross the dark street that was going in the direction of Dover Castle I walked along the street in the black night Anxiety beckoned me to hum my mother’s song And tension forced me to trod along As I reached the corner, an unusual body odor Circled around me, someone who had not showered for days Appeared to be following me I began to pick up speed, and walked faster and faster But the smell got closer and closer I felt an arm reached out to grab me But I kept going without looking back Then suddenly a bright light broke around the corner And stopped next to me, and the driver called out to me I was reluctant to take the ride, I began to wonder if he was the bad guy Walking seven miles close to midnight is no fun And after much persuasion, I yielded and took the ride “What happen to the other guy? He is not coming? The drive asked And I replied, “What guy?” “You are lucky that I gave you the ride; do not walk alone at night” the driver said. I was still shaking and my heart was vibrating, He was hiding in the cane fields and had planned to rape me But help came just in time to stop that horrible crime Later the driver revealed that he knew my brother and they both work at the same company As I was penning this verse on the bench in front of the hotel A taxi driver came around and started touching me up My chest began to stiffen and a sudden vengeance rise up inside me I clenched my fist and took a deep breath He pulled out his billfold and showed it to me, and this was what he said, "everybody in my country has money" Everyone in my country is working Look, they use American dollar in my country "They don’t use Jamaican dollar here, I have money" He crossed the street and went to the steak house opposite the hotel and whispers something to the man sitting outside , It was obvious that he was an informer Suddenly my blood began to boil and I was raging inside I took his picture and showed it to the manager inside, In seconds some people were moving out of the hotel, I had no clue what everything was about I just don’t know where else to go some men cannot keep their hands out of their mouth, they quarrel and shout and they shake their di** all around the town. What have do I have to do with these people? These happening really make me feel sad Sometimes I sing, I laugh and I cry I just want to have peace in my life It’s this part of me that I cannot let go It is this part of me that embodies my soul It is this part of me that is determined to win Sometimes, I feel as if I am living within myself Then I have to come to my real sense Sometimes I feel as if I am living within myself And I have to wonder if I am already dead The days go by the night light lit up the night sky There is something that I still cannot understand I still cannot solve this part of the puzzle I have tried so hard to put the pieces together It is something bigger than faith that keeps me going And I am bound to find it quite rewarding Two mind two souls what is it that I have behold Two hearts fused together but separated by water How did I find myself in this situation? My secret admirer? My distant lover and my marriage partner I had promised that I would never love again After my heart has been broken so many times I promised that I would never love again Because my first love has brought me to shame I promised that I would never love again Because real love is not a game Hearts meet hearts spirits meet spirits Head meet head and love meet bed This has been a rare time And I just can’t get you out of my mind The sky is blue the ocean is deep And the journey is incomplete You must set a time when we can meet I know that you are busier that usual And I don’t want to cause any confusion It’s just a thin line that separates us Thirteen hours flight that will unite us They tell me that I am married now and I have settled down I have never attended a formal wedding except for the one I dreamt of in heaven I heard about a proxy one but I still cannot imagined how it is done I say that I love you and you say that you love me But we have not physically met at the top of a hill Is this how it supposed to be? A spiritual marriage Is this how it supposed to be? A spiritual love? I want more than this Write a letter and tell me Is this how it supposed to be? I saw you sitting alone in the chair Looking slightly tired I wonder where you have been A good night’s sleep can change the mood And a substantial portion of health food. Will increase your magnitude.
Copyright © 2024 Christine Phillips. All Rights Reserved

Book: Shattered Sighs