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Dave the host gives his TV audience his best gigantic I-am-Dave Smile. “Today’s topic is guns. Do you love them? Do you have them? Do we need more? Do we absolutely love them or what?”
Loud cheering from the audience, and a couple of appreciative gunshots.
Dave smiles. “We have Dr. Rem who will share his views, and Mrs. Oops, sorry. I mean Dr. FW (Feed-The-World) to share hers, today. Welcome Dr. Rem.” Camera pans to Dr. Rem. He grins widely and waves. “And welcome Ms. FW.” Camera pans to her so fast, we are not sure what she looks like. But this is TV.
“Dr. Rem, welcome to Let’s All Speak. We are glad to have you!”
“Thank you Dave. It is a privilege to be here.”
“And Ms. FW, glad you are here also.” Mike is accidentally cut off, so we the viewers are not sure what she said, but what does she know anyway? She wants to take our gun money and give it to people.
I glare at her. I am sitting in the third row, and I hope she feels it.
“Dr. Rem, you may begin.”
“Thank you Dave. I just want to say how proud I am of our country because we are now spending twenty-two times what other countries are spending on guns, ammo, and other forms of warfare.”
Loud thunderous applause from the audience.
This insistent woman tries to speak. Dave reminds her not to be rude, it is not her turn. “We will let you have your turn in a bit, honey,” he says cordially. He winks, and the camera catches it. This Dave is such a nice guy!
Dr. FW tries to speak, but her mike is cut off again. I am so glad, because all she is going to do is whine about social security being taken away. We need that money for guns! Even I get that.
Dr. Rem is now speaking about how much money the richest of the rich are making off these gun factories, and the bullets, well, wow, they are going to be in the quadrillion digits by the end of February. This makes me insanely happy. I love it when the rich get richer. It shows optimism all over the place. What is good for the rich is good for the country. The stock market is up, right?
“We used to waste all that social security money on retirees and we lavished food stamps on children,” Dr. Rem said haughtily. “But now, thanks to my innovations, and creative solutions, we are spending the excess money on guns, bullets, ammos, camo vests, and combat boots.” The audience explodes with righteous happy applause and appreciative hoots and hollers.
Ms. F.W. or Dr. or whatever rudely interrupts, saying, “The social security was not something people wanted to pay in, they were forced to…”
Dave gives her an impatient look and says, “Dr. F.W., are we going to have to cut off your mike again?”
But, of course, they already had.
“We will let you have a turn in a little bit, honey,” a TV producer hisses in her ear. None of us realize what was said, but if anyone was looking at Dr. F.W.’s face they would know that she was having some kind of a woman’s issue as her face was flaming red, and she looked insane.
At exactly this moment, she opened her mouth again, so Dr. Rem leaned over and gave her a little pinch on her left bosom, to silence her. This act was met with hoots and hollers, and loud laughter from the audience, because we had seen it. Even though I know I am not supposed to believe what I see, sometimes I do.
I could barely quit laughing.
This video was rewound and shown on every news station – the real one, and all the fake ones, for about three days. Dr. F.W. and her family promptly went into hiding, as we are all hunting for them to give them a piece of our minds. Look how bad she made Dr. Rem look, just because she was impatient to say a bunch of stupid stuff, and not even about guns.
Guns was the topic of the day. Duh!
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