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What Even Am I
What even Never began to trust a stranger so much Damn it was only two weeks tho It wasn’t love Nahhh But damn, sure could’ve been Coulda been a lot Didn’t even think of it like that, wasn’t going to Was just chillin But then “love” was mentioned for a second no lol But could it turn out like that? Maybe Thought so Lol Now I feel retarded Guards down, hopes up Even though i never imagined that happening Never planned to feel like after explaining to him how someone else made you feel the same exact way Why am I so scarred from the littlest Why do feel myself overreacting SO damn much on the inside, but act cool on the outside Appear normal to him, to everyone Can’t talk to friends tho, don’t wanna seem crazy I’m crying? Why? Oh, cuz I’m overthinking But why would it be like this he told me so much positive that I wouldn’t think about the negatives with him Ahhhhhh that’s when my guard fell I ing see it now; “I don’t want either of us to get hurt.. I have feelings too” And I’m not the one who ing said that Believed it though Because it’s true, we all have feelings But how good are you at hiding them I’m terrible right now, but that’s why I’m not telling anyone Damn, all he did was ghost me For a day?? Lol, I’m tweaking so hard We had plans tho, this isn’t what it should be and I’m wondering why is it so different We talk 24/7 FaceTime Texts Snaps Not today I’m so beautiful I’m so smart I’m so funny I’m so energetic Sure don’t feel like that tho, clearly I’m not enough Should’ve in known It’s just sad because they don’t know how much hurt they can cause you Over something so little So damn weak for this Why What the This isn’t me After only two and a half weeks But still What even HA he replied 11PM “I smoked again today, was KO’d” COOL that I’ve been going through all this Crying Typing Faking Loneliness While you were “sleeping” While you were high Pissed. I went through all this ^^^ while you were too high to text back, or too high to care about responding While I was crying Which btw, why?? I don’t need to So damn emotional, WTF I’m not like this What is this I know I’m strong I did stay strong the majority of the time, though But as it got later and later I allowed myself to break Let the thoughts creep in that I kept pushing out “He would talk to you if he wanted to, but he doesn’t want to” “You’re not different, he’d wanna talk to you if that were the case” “Lol, you thought.” It’s crazy because I in hold myself with poise and nobody in knows. And then I hold myself with anger, because I can’t pretend to be happy when I’m sad. I think, why am I such a happy person? that. being happy, when I’m so sad. I just can’t comprehend how I’m so happy all the time, when I’m so sad in this moment. That’s when I just say everything
Copyright © 2024 Kendahl Overbeck. All Rights Reserved

Book: Shattered Sighs