The Sword Of Doubt
I have heard that in doubt mankind could be lead to his grave in his pain,conflict and mistrust he can cause destruction and death. A road we all have travelled at some point in our life I maybe a survivor of a tragedy but I am still a victim the art of one's deception had caused my marriage, household and heart to break.
The pain, the doubt of it all took control and in my sorrow, I was not myself, I prayed for death and I was driven to madness my actions were distasteful and my heart was harden doubt had devoured me and driven my love ones away.
It’s a feeling so often used to manipulate and blind us from achieving our goal a weapon invented to send man to his own destruction disable his offspring’s and make us insane at least this is what Patrice thought as she battled day after day with her self.
Life with the kids was hard and it was becoming impossible to handle her day-to-day routines as her feelings and emotions were always changing like a multi coloured chameleon an old lizard with protruding eyes that rotate independently and a highly developed ability to change its colours at least this how she felt as her moods were forever changing. Some days she would awake hoping today would be the day of answers but answers never came.
The kids were confused and neither of their parents was equipped to deal with their day-to-day responsibilities effectively. Stephan had gotten himself into trouble with the law and had been served one-year imprisonment for assault. The family was not made aware of his misfortunes until one of Patrice's neighbours had seen Stephan in the South London press and took it upon her self to inform her.
Nothing was changing for the betterment of them it all just seemed as though they were trapped in a typhoon and there was no way out. Once again doubt was creeping in as she kept on seeing visions of herself entrapped in a box being suffocated beneath the earth.
She was not dead but could not understand why her husband and his lover stood at a distant watching, pointing laughing hilariously as she tried to dig her way out of the grave. As the months past she fought with her inner demons and tried hard to make sense of the vision she had seen but it was impossible for her to concentrate as her mind was forever travelling to other places as everything was a blur the stress and the heartache was too much for her to bear.
Patrice was not a firm believer in praying even though she came from a very religious background but her parent’s beliefs was not one that was ever in force on her or her siblings as their mother believed that each will find they own path to Christ someday. Prayers was not a priority in her life nor in that of the children she always put Stephan and the kids first.
As weeks had passed, Patrice had received a letter from Stephan he had requested for both her and the children to visit him in prison this request had come as a big shock caught for words she fell unto the sofa gasping for air.
She thought for a while gazing into space asking herself, why had Stephan requested a visit with a gentle sigh, she paused searching for an answer but nothing returned but another question.’ What was Stephan’s game?’.
Patrice wondered as many other thoughts flooding through her mind.' wasn't he the one that held the dagger?' as he and his lover conspired against her and planned her spiritual and phsical death. It was at that moment that she had realized that doubt was in control and he was not in a hurry to leave.
Proverbs 3, 5-8
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones."
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