Sleeping Without

In my dreams I used to go work and dance the hula on my desk. We would drink beer at the company board meetings and my boss always wore tie-died suits. Everyone was happy; it was a dream

In my life I work with sewage, how can you take that seriously? On a daily basis 40,000 people send me their crap. And when things get backed up as they always do, they get angry. Why would anyone want to deal with their own crap?

So my favorite life is the one in my dreams. Only I can’t sleep. I lay there turning, no tossing just turning. I haven’t figured out how to toss yet, tossing just sounds perverted “I spent the night tossing.” Tossing what, your cookies? It just sounds wrong. Well anyways I lay spread eagle on a queen size mattress staring at the ceiling. Queen, now that’s a word. Today a queen is a gay man in woman’s clothing. So what does that say about a heterosexual man that sleeps in a queen size bed? “My bed was designed for queens.” Well anyways I lay there trying to force myself to dream. I figure if I can dream I can fall asleep.

I imagine myself on top of a snow covered mountain ridge, the wind howling around my tent. The tent is cozy and warm from a gas lantern that is hanging from the center support. The tent seems huge. We are talking about what is in store for tomorrow. We? Who is this friend? I try to look at them but all I see is a shadowy figure. Is it a man? A woman? I can’t tell. We contently sit playing rummy while outside; the noise of the mountain is clear and sharp, we can hear the animals complaining about the storm that is brewing. As I get sleepy the noise becomes all jumbled into a low rumble that seems to be getting louder. The tent begins to shake and suddenly a large clawed hand rips it open. Turning to my friend I am surprised to see that there is nobody there, they are gone and there is no evidence that they were ever there. Confused I look around, but the polar bear climbing into the tent grabs my attention. I think about running but instead I open my eyes and there I am staring at the ceiling listening to a small jet coming in for a landing. My apartment is right in line with the runway of the airport.

I get up to get a drink of water. I walk around a bit then pick up a book. Looking at the book I realize that reading would take to much energy so I watch TV for a while. Getting sleepy I wander back to the ‘queen’ bed. This time I roll up the comforter and use it like a pillow while lying on my side. Kind of like I am hugging it or something; yeah I know that’s weird.

I begin to imagine that I am lying on the beach, it is early morning and the ocean is black. All that can be seen is the glow of the white foam formed by the breaking waves. I lie there watching the darkness slowly fall back as the sun rises and warms my back. Eventually I can see fishing boats and dolphins way off on the horizon. I am relaxed and content. Suddenly, there are loud birds behind me. There must be hundreds of them. Being curious I sit up and turn to see a dense jungle full of birds and monkeys. “That’s odd, I though I was on the North Coast,” I mumble to myself. Off in the distance several planes can be seen leaving white fluffy trails. I watch them wondering where they are going, probably on some great adventure. An animal emerging from the jungle catches my attention. I watch as a small spot slowly turns into a large pure white polar bear. Without a sound he charges at me, maybe if I ignore him he will go away … nope he is still getting closer. He looks confused. These damn bears, I wish they would leave me alone. Time to go; opening my eyes I sit up and look at the clock. Its 1:13.

Lying back down wondering what would make me sleep I close my eyes and immediately the alarm goes off. I get up to see that it is 5:30. Confused and tired I fall out of bed knowing I spent another night without dreaming.

There is no desire to go to work.

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