Helpers Turn into Spoilers
Some rubbishy jobs became the case through reckless involvement of more hands than should have taken up their handling. A multitude of people is caught fooling over a problem surmountable by just one man or two men but not more. I have never ceased to ponder and wonder why this has been a reality plus a practice we have not stopped giving a dog’s chance.
Let us face it: it would he not do any determined accuser any good that he had fingered one out as the sole spoiler of his enterprise and one ably challenged it with speedily boldly mentioned names of other actors deserving the apportioned blame. I know for its buttressing relevance that indulgent mothers of their only sons or daughters do not forget to restrict their caresses by admirers or family friends and neighbors acting on impulse, so that they would know whom to hand over to The Police for their Sudden Cold, Flu, Skin Rashes, Eczema or Worse Dermatitis.
The occasion was a preparation for a Local Football Tournament among the Autonomous Communities in Ahia Ano Local Government in Effendi State. Every living soul form that divide had been looking forward to his own village lifting the trophy with little pain or much of it or painlessly. Already, the tournament had garnered stupendous publicity in the Local Media, gloriously hitting the headlines of their tabloids and clutching some time too on the air.
“Anything it takes I wouldn’t worry about… Just The Cup! I want The Trophy!”
That was The Traditional Ruler of Ariandu Ancient Kingdom talking while addressing the team of eleven players, who had been carefully selected to represent their community in The Tournament. His Royal Highness, Chief Sowandu Hippa 111 was an lover of sports in general and Intoxicating Football in particular. Such was his passion for FIFA-Rated Football Matches that he could reschedule crucial meetings with his Royal Cabinet to watch their Crucial Finals, Senior and Junior. As was disclosed by a skin-close school mate of his of The Secondary, Hippa The Third was sometimes pawning his priced princely possessions of The Decorative for the money that could fetch him a pair of football boots, the football itself or jerseys such as he cherished especially Brazils Yellow!
“So, My Young Promising Ariandu Cats, Hippa,” The Third continued, “I want The Cup of The Tournament to head for our Ancient Kingdom and become her Modern Property! Of course, with you all as the players who shall do the clean job…”
The Royal Blood did not forget to announce the handsome financial reward, which each player would go home with after a clinched final victory. Gloriously, he fastened it on One Tenth of A Million Naira per player. Expectedly, there were other stake-holders in the fast-approaching tournament one might call Chief Hippa Co-patrons of The Big Event with the same spirit as his… One of them Sir Asa Asa, from his millions would pay for the extra hands that should be engaged in the preparation of Ariandu Cats for the matches. By this, Sir Asa Asa meant two or more Assistant Coaches for Ariandu Cats, Two Assistant Technical Advisers for the same team, also sponsorship of the planned training of players at Abuja and Lagos Stadia as well as arrangement of friendly matches between her and a number of the country’s Popular Club Side Teams. Really, a no-nonsense preparation for Grabs of The Trophy, save one were a watcher with a mind of one’s own and a helping critical eye..
And there happened to have been such a watcher native of Chief Sowandu’s Ariandu Ancient kingdom: Comrade Ongbor Hope, a cool-headed follower of hot situations and football. Ongbor Hope had felt sufficiently invited by the unfolding drama of promises and back-up actions to first lampoon the proposal for what he called Three Coaches for the Ariandu Cats! wondering aloud what the jobs of the three coaches would be. Also, Ongbor had no kind words for the intended drilling of Ariandu Cats on Alien Football Pitches. He would rather they performed all their rehearsals on the very pitch or facsimile of the pitch where they would be meeting their opponents in the matches proper for mastery.
Unfortunately, Hope’s Voice was drowned by Fanatical Ones pitched high enough to swallow his with its candid opinions on the matter. He, Hope, was literally swept under the carpet and accused of being hopelessly unprepared for the financial sacrifices it cost teams to truly prepare for a tournament. Yet, in fairness to Ongbor Hope’s vicious attackers, the craze for more coaches for a team by Owner Communities was a widespread one with the other competing teams of neighboring communities implementing it.
Except Ikuku Ancient Kingdom’s Ferocious Bears. This Peculiar Non-Copyist Football Body stuck to a single level-headed coach: the one she had had all along and had in him reposed the fullest trust. The Coach it was who had chosen The 4-4-2 Football Formation they adopted to overrun all their opponents and clinch the final victory. He, it was, who told them to often play Defensive Football after scoring a maximum of two goals and he it was, who had instructed them to sometimes lob the ball from far distances and from all possible angles towards their opponents’ goal posts, whenever their Defense Network became unusually impregnable.
In The Tournament, all the teams with multiple coaches were the first to leave the competition via elimination in their preliminary matches. “A Strange Coincidence” for the spectator who must sound unbiased and analytical, even as Soccer remains an Unpredictable Sport in which Anything goes and Everything as well.
In any case, The Game Patterns of all The Teams with Multiple Coaches lacked nearly all manner of coordination and had tended to betray the confusing plethora of instructions they had sheepishly received from their Duplicated and Triplicated Coaches. One might have died laughing while watching their anxious experimentation in the preliminaries of the matches of a little of 4-4-2 formation a bit of 4-3-3 formation, a little of this other formation, a bit of that other formation…
it should be supposed: Hippa The Third of Ariandu Ancient Kingdom was physically present to watch them live but atrociously witness the angering period Ariandu Cats lasted in The Tournament. To have not graced the occasion would have made a hoax of his Football Fanaticism as well as placed a Giant Question Mark on his previous endured rescheduling of fixed meetings with his Royal Cabinet in favour of FIFA- Organized Crucial Football Matches that had clashed with them time-wise.
But, so-to speak, Royal Hippa had materialized in the stadium venue of the great event for Cruel Receipts of Stark Embarrassments he could do nothing about, until another football-organized year.
And – Ah! - if only Royal Blood knew that he would after the football misadventure necessarily start intake of drugs for High BP patients, he would be fixing his meeting with Royal Cabinet at the very scheduled times of meetings of the Ariandu Cats with her opponents but this time making sure he coolly thrashed out every raised Communal Matter.
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