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Heart wrench

We’re funny, you and I.
By age six, we played together on an island.
Never knowing, never fathoming,
Nine years later we’d meet again – like a message in a bottle.
This time in another country. On another continent.
Though secretly arranged, we fell in love all on our own.
And got scared.  And made mistakes and bad decisions.
And we forgave, time and time again.
You said it yourself – we are star-crossed lovers, you and I.
Oh, we are funny, you and I.

We work so hard and just barely scrape by.
It’s not fair.  And so we’re not fair to each other.

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Eight years.  That’s how long we’ve given each other.
And being as young as we are, that’s a third of our lives.
I’m always happy with you, 
Even when you make me so mad I want to throttle you.
Yet, when I asked you, you couldn’t answer.
Couldn’t? Or wouldn’t?
Then you said sometimes.  Then you said many times.
Then you said always.  But you’re not always happy.
I’m a woman.  I know.

My dear, I love you more than words can show.
Once again, you’re off to work. For the whole night this time.
For the darkest and coldest part of the day.
On a day we fought long and hard.
On a day you questioned our direction. Again.
I can’t blame you.
We work like donkeys, you and I.
And what do we have to show for it?

I know you couldn’t stay.  Besides, I’m having less and less to say.
Not because I don’t care.  Because I care too much.
Too much to hurt you again.
Too much to make a wrong move.
I find myself tiptoeing in times like these,
But I don’t mind.  I think of myself as a ballerina.
Because even though I feel disgusting, you tell me I’m beautiful.
You hold me like I’m beautiful. You touch me like I’m beautiful.
You look at me like I’m everything.

I wrote you a little note.
I forgave you.
I promised to never stop working at us,
Although we’ve built the foundation and it feels
You have left me here to build the castle all alone.
Because no matter how many bad decisions,
How many temptations, how many choices,
That I’ve come across these years, my choice has always been you.
You, the love of my life.
I will never love anyone like I love you – this I know.
And it scares me.
And I just want to be held by you.
To hear you tell me you’re here, and always will be.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” you said.
Alone, my heart cried.
Wondering, are you by my side?
I think Maybe.  Just Maybe.
That’s good enough for me.
So, are you?


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