I've often been told of my strength,
but when I look in the mirror
I break. I fracture.
I see the broken slivers slice and cut through my paper skin,
Because I am not strong, I am fragile,
and I do not know how I have survived.
I tell people I am resilient, not strong,
and for those of you who would argue, it is not the same.
I must say, laughter however is a strength.
And a medicine, it is one awesome cure,
And though I have not spit tea all over,
there have been plenty of other drinks That have seen my bed sheets
- and perhaps across the table, my sisters face.
Sometimes I wish I could be more open and honest
But we sit in this place where a bright screen give us bravery,
And yet we waver, knowing it will only last so long,
Lord help us all with this social media craziness.
Then you lost your brother,
and you screamed and cried and howled.
I bet you felt like an animal,
like the world was literately tearing you apart,
and there was a black abyss in your soul,
where your brother should have been,
But when you went to touch him,
the light he always left on,
There was nothing there,
he left, and you were left with an emptiness.
The night I lost my brother I was an animal.
I didn't think I would ever stop screaming.
If it hadn't been for my man,
Lord knows what I would have done.
I would have put into action buried plans
from years and years ago.
My brother was everything. He was everything to me.
If I could tear the earth apart
I would do so with my bare hands.
You speak about your abuser -
the panic the mere sight of his face puts you into,
When I see either of mine, I instantly feel sick.
I want to crawl away into a deep dark hole,
Delete the memories of them from everyone I know,
Block of the people I know who are still friends with them.
I pretend I am brave, and strong, and fearless,
But I am terrified every time
I think of what they did to me,
The damage they inflicted on my psyche.
I am afraid to go to some of my favorite places,
Or even walk around the town they live in,
For fear they will see me, and hurt me and I will drown again.