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Sijo 1- roasting

Charles Henderson Avatar Charles Henderson - LIFETIME Premium Member Charles Henderson - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Sijo 1- roasting which was written by poet Charles Henderson. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Sijo 1- roasting

    roasting in the sun I lay brick,
                                 one by one in mute perfection
     ahhh, the flavor of lemonade
                                 as I fan the gnats from sweat
     but the sweetest flavor tasted
                                is bragging of who did the work

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  1. Date: 10/13/2013 9:08:00 AM
    yep, this was the last one I had seen before.

  1. Date: 8/21/2013 12:20:00 AM
    charles, this seems to me very much like the kind of poetry presented in Deb's sijo blog, but since I am no expert, I can only believe that it looks like good sijo. I am more a traditionalist and just enjoy doing them with three lines. But I think it looks cool how you laid out the lines!

  1. Date: 8/20/2013 8:28:00 PM
    seems fine Chas, I like the image both of us had gnats on the brain today, I'm not crazy about the way you laid out the lines, why did you do it like that? [was there a method to your madness?] L & L

    Henderson Avatar Charles Henderson
    Date: 8/20/2013 9:24:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I wanted a pause between the two halves. This is different enough from normal haiku or monoku to give that pause without the dots, apostrophe or blank space. I find I do not want to read the halves straight on, but one, stop and look, then the other.
  1. Date: 8/20/2013 4:48:00 PM
    Im getting to love this form although I haven't quite figured it out yet..this is wonderful. BG