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Sijo 1- Roasting

roasting in the sun I lay brick,
                                 one by one in mute perfection
     ahhh, the flavor of lemonade
                                 as I fan the gnats from sweat
     but the sweetest flavor tasted
                                is bragging of who did the work

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Andrea Dietrich Date: 10/13/2013 9:08:00 AM yep, this was the last one I had seen before. Login to Reply

Andrea Dietrich Date: 8/21/2013 12:20:00 AM charles, this seems to me very much like the kind of poetry presented in Deb's sijo blog, but since I am no expert, I can only believe that it looks like good sijo. I am more a traditionalist and just enjoy doing them with three lines. But I think it looks cool how you laid out the lines! Login to Reply

Debbie Guzzi Date: 8/20/2013 8:28:00 PM seems fine Chas, I like the image both of us had gnats on the brain today, I'm not crazy about the way you laid out the lines, why did you do it like that? [was there a method to your madness?] L & L Login to Reply Charles Henderson Date: 8/20/2013 9:24:00 PM I wanted a pause between the two halves. This is different enough from normal haiku or monoku to give that pause without the dots, apostrophe or blank space. I find I do not want to read the halves straight on, but one, stop and look, then the other.

Barbara Gorelick Date: 8/20/2013 4:48:00 PM Im getting to love this form although I haven't quite figured it out yet..this is wonderful. BG Login to Reply