Emergency Rooms Just Kill Me -

Nurse: Briefly describe your pain Me: Ouch Nurse: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain? Me: I dunno...where's your scale? Nurse: No, no sir, on a scale... Me: Okay!...180 butt-naked Nurse: When was the last time you had a physical exam? Me: Well, me and this lady went out the other night... Nurse: We'll need a stool sample Me: YOUR stool or my stool? I'll need a saw... Nurse: We'll need to do some lab work Me: I understand, it's hard to keep good help isn't it? Nurse: Do you have a history of suicide? Me: Umm... Nurse: Are you having trouble urinating? Me: Just a sec...nope, no problem here Nurse: Sh-t! Me: Just a sec...nope, no problem here Nurse: Son of a...How many fingers am I holding up?? Me: Aha!...One in the middle and four bent ones, right? Nurse: I swear to G... Sign this freekin' admittance form! Me: Uh uh!...I deny the whole thing... Nurse: (Sigh) Are you allergic to anything? Me: Hospitals...