But I Know!

They didn't admit it but I know what they saw. I know about every horror, I know about doubts and fears and also about their pleasures, their orgasms and their ecstasies that led them to the gates of infernal madness. An antithesis, I'd say, cruel agony full of candor. I know what they felt their essences, their insides I know them to the core. I know about their hands shaking and about the cold sensation in their stomachs. They are silent but I know what they talked about; flowers, seas, perfumes, balsams and table delicacies, smiles, strong colors, beating hearts and joy. About the newly born and about the "here lies," about huge storms and endless doldrums. All the heaven's angels and all their holy peace! I know more! I know about the loss of sleep, the hopes of autumn swept away. Blushing faces and sweaty hands messy beds, flaming bodies and abstractions described by their vain philosophy. I know about foggy eyes about panting breath, about laughing for no reason, floating humors changing the meaning of what made sense and of what had never made sense before. Blood running hot in the veins beautiful women looking ugly, ugly women looking beautiful, certainties and "who would say," the strong light of hanging oil lamps the weak light of their days, time eating candles, spiders weaving cobwebs and they falling into them. They never confessed but I know why they never disclosed the cruel candor of this intense agony, the eternal fire that cools every soul, what cannot be understood or explained, what provokes no fever but has no cure and what guides and what drives them all to that harsh and infernal door. An antithesis, I'd say, the peace of love and the hell of insanity!