A Letter To Myself

Why can't I do anything right? Why do I always screw up everybody’s life? Why is it so hard for me to shut my mouth and let it be? All I do is hurt people; can never make anyone happy! I do what I can but I guess that is never good enough, because the harder I try the worse it gets. Why can’t I get anything right? Why do I make myself cry every night? Can’t I do anything? I want to be able to know why I’m so sad; to understand why I can’t stay happy. I want to stop judging people I love and be happy that they at least accept me into their hearts. I want to close my eyes and see the face, the one that makes me smile happily. The one I will see forever and holds me when he says “Never will I leave you, never.” But I’m afraid to trust him cause I feel like he’s lying. He says one thing. They say another. Why can’t he tell me? Why won’t he tell me? Is he really cheating? I want to know, I need to know. Does he really love me? Is that why we can’t get back to how things were? I want to trust him but I can’t, not with everything he has put me through. God… I want to cry. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live this lie anymore.