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Barney Hainsfeather

 If the excursion train to Peoria
Had just been wrecked, I might have escaped with my life --
Certainly I should have escaped this place.
But as it was burned as well, they mistook me For John Allen who was sent to the Hebrew Cemetery At Chicago, And John for me, so I lie here.
It was bad enough to run a clothing store in this town, But to be buried here -- ach!

by Edgar Lee Masters
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