Wheres My Keys

Where's my keys, I'm late for work They should be on that shelf If you've moved them you're a jerk I'll look for them myself So... I've turned the whole house upside down And looked in Benji's bed The pockets in my dressing gown And under uncle Ted Of course I've looked beside the phone And what is that you ask I don't appreciate your tone They're not stuck up my... bum I've moved the fridge and microwave And lifted up the mat I looked inside the oven too I even shook the cat I grabbed the dog and held him down And gazed into his jaws I even searched my underwear And rummaged round in yours Every time I make a plan Something always wrecks it It's like my keys have gone on strike It must be down to brexit So, fess up moron, where's my keys It's gone beyond a joke Was it just a drunken prank Or were you high on coke You must think I'm quite stupid But you're the silly cow I know you must have moved my keys So give them back right now So now we get the waterworks Boo Hoo, I made you cry Oh heck, I fear it might be time To eat some humble pie Haven't felt like such a burk Since I was in my teens I found out where my keys did lurk They're right here in my jeans