When Muse Whispers

11:45pm i was at Andrew's, she says oh, i see, i say you remember Andrew? she says i don't, sorry, what about Andrew? i say i told you i had a crush on this guy 7 years back in the PhD remember? she says i don't mind, i say listen, after long hangouts together and many frozen dreams i realized he was a gay, she says oh, i see, i say, and he was married married as two husbands and the other husband who also adopted a child cheated on him and they divorced... she continues oh, i see, now, i re-member, i say what **** is "oh, i see, i re-member..."? 5 hours i was with Andrew tonight, with my gay friend, and once in a week, why are you mad? she says listen, i used to mind, but not now, girl friend or gay friend, i say, self-assuredly but uneasily ...when you act superior unsuccessfully, though, you sound lunatic, she says and worse, when two lunatics join not knowing where to go and stumble in darkness of their ignorance of each other they are nothing but walking sacks of ****, i say oh, i see, she says, mockingly you are the dog of night who barks at something he cannot see, she adds oh, my...! I scream, am I alone, where is my "My Brother's Keeper" gone? now, my muse, Atete, jumps in she walks me out and whispers: "Ase, listen! you can't run from anything like this anymore face it! make it or break it!" "oh, Atete, now i see," i say to my muse-- my muse aims to sing songs of Love and Hope for me but there isn't time... and i come back to balance: the struggle within and the struggle without-- and to think of this uneventfulness of Being... now, before we go, let us close this goddamned story thus: when your muse whispers when you don't listen when there is not much to remember when there is not much to forget you are at dead-end, at an impasse-- maybe you made them a Priority maybe you are to them only an Option you can't tell turkey by feathers let your Life and your Death be not like theirs... if Love betrays Luck doesn't... listen, beautiful loser!