When I'M Calling You

A Canadian Love Song Like JFK with Edgar Hoover, I'm completely ill at ease: it's as if I'm in Vancouver, but I speak no Cantonese. A Mountie's boot must have its stirrup, they say Brooke Nevin needs a fattener: tooth decay loves maple syrup (look what it did for William Shatner!) I yearn for something quite profound, my very own deep inner need, just as Puget boasts its Sound and Calgary its Stampede. Like "foo" means nothing without "fighter", an ice rink's bare without a puck. Mike Myers lacks a decent writer: I think I need a cute canuck. I hope one day I will be ready (when Justin Bieber gets a life!) - Jeanette MacDonald, Nelson Eddy - to woo you as my Winnipeg Wife.