Too Good To Be True

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

I’m giving up, can’t take no more, I’ve reached the final straw,
How do you find a flamin’ job when you’ve turned fifty-four,
I’ve knocked on nigh a thousand doors and trudged a million miles,
To find me name pushed into draws, in the unwanted files.

But with all me money run out, and me life stuck in a hole,
Me ego has to disappear, and I must sign up for the dole,
This is the worst day in me life, I’m embarrassed to the core,
Standing at a counter waiting for the bloke to hear me score.

I introduced meself and told him straight “I don’t want the dole,
I really want to find a job, and that’s me utmost goal,
I’m sick of handling regimes, then being told ‘so long!’
Mate I really, really want a job…‘sit down’ money is so wrong!”

“Well! Your timing is amazing” Said the fella with a grin,
“A job that might be right for you, has just been penciled in,
A wealthy bloke now wants a chauffeur, to drive his flashy car,
And you must be a bodyguard, for his nymphomanic daughter”.

“Clothing will all be supplied, and with long hours for this work
All your meals will be provided free…yes, there is another perk,
Three holidays upon the Gold Coast are provided every year,
And your salary will not be less, than two hundred grand a year”.

I must admit that I was silenced by the offer that he read,
But wary ‘bout his cushy job, so that is why I said,
"I think you’re talking garbage mate, and bull crapping quite a bit”. 
Then he replied with just a nod. “Yeah, well you bloody started it!”
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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Shahein Avatar
December 27, 2015 at 8:18 AM
Brilliant write really , u impress me every time...had the pleasure by reading it...Happy new year and hugs / / :) dalia.
Laurie Avatar
December 28, 2015 at 11:25 PM
Hi there Dalia... thank you for your kind comment again. I trust that you will celebrate the new year grandly - Lindsay
Lindley Avatar
December 23, 2015 at 8:23 AM
What a smile bringer this tale is, this glorious morn my talented friend. I just read it to my wife, she laughed and said. "Just the kind of job you'd love , darling." I replied, "Maybe not, didn't read about any hazard pay(the nympho)! Nor any free booze"!! lol Solid 7 and bringing smiles is art highly regarded in my book.
Laurie Avatar
December 28, 2015 at 11:23 PM
Crikey Robert, I didn't think he'd have time to be drinking booze, but I'm sure he'd end up with a crook back. You have a very understanding wife Robert - happy new year - Lindsay
Callus Avatar
November 22, 2015 at 1:10 PM
Lindsay...you cracked me up!! A great witty write which made me read it twice so I could try out the accents:) That final line is the cherry on the cake! // paul
Laurie Avatar
December 2, 2015 at 8:15 PM
Hello Paul... thanks again for commenting Paul. Those people in the dole office must hear some outlandish tales so its only fair that one retaliates - Lindsay
Pinet Avatar
November 20, 2015 at 10:41 AM
Your words come to us as from a wise sage with the voice of an elder and a heart of a child with a good chuckle up your sleeve. Well written. Emile. #7
Laurie Avatar
November 21, 2015 at 3:49 PM
Hello Emile... thank you for your enlightening comment Emile - Lindsay
Delaney Avatar
November 19, 2015 at 1:13 PM
ha ha...thanks for he great belly laugh this morning, Laurie: You never disappoint me ROFLMA SuZ
Laurie Avatar
November 21, 2015 at 3:47 PM
G'day Suzanne... I'm pleased you enjoyed this piece of nonsense but I'll bet it goes on daily - thanks for your comment Suzanne - Lindsay
Eastman Avatar
November 19, 2015 at 11:35 AM
This is positively AMAZING! I love, love, loved it! Going to be a favorite!
Laurie Avatar
November 21, 2015 at 3:44 PM
Oops sorry Carol... not concentrating. Thanks for reading and commenting. The dole office must hear plenty of pleads and excuses - Lindsay
Laurie Avatar
November 21, 2015 at 3:40 PM
Hello Kim... I'm pleased you got a kick out of this one Kim. It's easy to imagine the situation - thank you Kim - Lindsay
Nunez Avatar
November 18, 2015 at 10:20 PM
:-) You never disappoint, Lindsay. I always enjoy your metrically mythical tales with a twist :-)
Laurie Avatar
November 21, 2015 at 3:42 PM
Hello Kim... I'm pleased you got a kick out of this one Kim. It's easy to imagine the situation - thank you Kim - Lindsay
Dietrich Avatar
November 17, 2015 at 3:47 PM
oh my, that would be the ultimate dream job . And then to have the dream crushed. UGGG. You are so clever with your story telling, my friend. I bet he was mostly looking forward to being with the nympho!
Laurie Avatar
November 21, 2015 at 3:36 PM
G'day Andrea... that's what happens when you try to put it over a bloke who hears the same story day after day. The nympho... be careful what you wish for. What's the names of your senses poems Andrea - Lindsay
Hunjeri Avatar
November 17, 2015 at 2:06 PM
lol, this is funny. at the beginning i started with tears of sadness then at the end it was all tears of laughter. you are a great story teller Lindsay. def a 7
Laurie Avatar
November 20, 2015 at 9:37 PM
Hello njeri... how are you. You won't read too many serious poems from me njeri; just complete nonsense - thanks again for your support - Lindsay
Duggan Avatar
November 16, 2015 at 11:01 PM
Oh Lindsay I have tears in my eyes, I have just read this out to Peter and it had me in fits, what with your Aussie humour as well, it is so good, I would give you a 7+, hope you are well, take care...........Vera
Laurie Avatar
November 20, 2015 at 9:35 PM
Hello Vera... yes, its easy to imagine a story like this in the dole office and why the response. I trust the fires are well away from you. We actually had a red moon from the smoke way over here - thanks Vera - Lindsay
Lamoureux Avatar
November 16, 2015 at 4:36 PM
Hilarious! The most fun I've had today!
Laurie Avatar
November 20, 2015 at 9:30 PM
G'day Richard... thanks for reading and commenting. The public servant must hear this message so often that he needs a comeback - Lindsay
Babcock Avatar
November 15, 2015 at 11:38 AM
Nice humor penned on this poem Lindsay. Hope all is well with you. Will send a note soon. love phyl
Laurie Avatar
November 20, 2015 at 9:27 PM
Hello Phyllis... thank you for commenting. I trust all is well at your end and I hope it was good news with your car - regards Phyllis - Lindsay
Marcum Wong Avatar
November 15, 2015 at 12:32 AM
Your clever wit always leaves me laughing Lindsay. I don't know how you can rhyme your story so well. It is flawless and funny at the same time! Bravo! #7
Laurie Avatar
November 20, 2015 at 9:24 PM
Hello Connie... I trust you are well. It was getting involved with bush ballad story telling that appealed to me, but being on this site I've learnt to appreciate much more of the poetic world by reading wonderful poems from you and many other poets here - thank you Connie - Lindsay
Curtis Avatar
November 14, 2015 at 5:33 PM
I think this poem is to Good to be True. cheers mate
Laurie Avatar
November 20, 2015 at 9:19 PM
G'day Jerry... thanks mate. This poem is based on reverse psychology that didn't work - Lindsay
Allison Avatar
November 13, 2015 at 4:04 PM
I love your humour my friend - you could make a tremendous book of your fabulous poems:-) hugs jan xx
Laurie Avatar
November 20, 2015 at 9:17 PM
Hello Jan... thanks again for your support Jan. I'd rather just share my silliness with you good folks on PS - Lindsay
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