Those Thoughts (Extended Version)

Nightmares, shame, and despair--- You don't go anywhere. All alone in your mind even with someone by your side. You think, "Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" You thought the hint would be cutting off the phone. But everyone wants you to release your cares. The next thing you do is frown and ask, "Where?" Stinkin' thinkin' is what your mom calls it. Bad thoughts falling down a bottomless pit. You wake up hoping those feelings disappear; but, as usual they end up going nowhere. You can't seem to get rid of the pain and in your heart an eternal rain. No one really knows how you feel and you have friends that always ask, "What the deal?" But tomorrow always comes. Bad days for you, but good for some. Disparaging words flow in and out of your head. You're alive but you're living like you're dead! They're like cobwebs in your mind that you can't seen to bind. The hurt is always there which has always been your fear. You don't see the destruction your thoughts have created. Yet relationships were destroyed with the people you've dated. You allowed your pain to take away time. Your anger towards others has become the real crime. It all boils down to that one thing in your past. A terrible time that from your mind you've yet to cast. The pain from the physical and spiritual rape that rolled around in your head like an old videotape. The abuser was like a father to you and when it first happened there was nothing you could do. You felt trapped like you could go nowhere. His power over you was to instill that fear. The "fear" is what's wrong and you must discover another heart song. Up to this point life hasn't been the best. Maybe letting go of this is the next test. There has always been someone that has loved you. Someone who is capable of taking you through. He's a Friend that sticks closer than a brother, Jesus--- a Savior like no other! If you don't give it to Him so you can thrive you will plummet to the depths and never survive.