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Things That Stuff My Mind

Exhausted, yet I can't sleep
So glad that I don't want to weep
You're living your epic life 
While mine cuts like a knife 

Under the horizon,
I see the reflection of the sun
Over the rainbow,
I see a songbird and its wings aglow 

My muse is flowing like a rapid river and above it is a feather
In your shoes, I'm showing you how to live life a little better 
I better get going before you shower me with your regret
I know you're afraid of letting go, but it's the only outlet 

Motivated to go the extra mile 
It's rare to find that side of me,
Knowing that I'm living under a rock
Or living inside a box or a dirty sock

It was all my fault that you've gone away
It's not a surprise that I have betrayed you
It was all a big misunderstanding today
Open your eyes and see things come true
Things that I say and do...
Things that I can't undo...
Things that make you blue...

I force a smile as you leave my sight
I guess I did you more harm than good
Might as well be misunderstood 
By misdirected, humiliating insight

Hope you find peace in your habitation
Hope you find joy amongst your frustration
My hopes and dreams are under construction
Thank you for your condolences of past destruction 

Maybe, you'll see with no web to blind you
Maybe, you'll see things that you never knew
All you put me through was trauma and drama 
All you did was toss me over the agitated aqua 

Did I ever matter to you?
Was I just a useless thing?
Was I just a mere dream come true? 
Am I everything or nothing?

Here's a thing...
This is not a bling
If you really wanted me,
Why didn't you say so possibly?

I should have seen this coming...
This neglect, this abondonment...
I would have prevented it from succumbing...
To this madness, chaos and resentment

Or things of that wild and reckless nature...

Stuff accumulates inside my head...
Agonizingly filling me up with dread...
Instead, give me a reason to fall asleep
Life cuts like a knife, but yet I refuse to weep!

Exhausted due to things happening in my life of minor lifts and major putdowns 
Yet, I have courage and strength to wear these smiles instead of these frowns
I have the potential and stamina to move on without a thoughtless care
Great...dealing with difficult things in the past that pop up here and there 

Under the horizon,
My muse is flowing
Above the sun,
God is all-knowing...glowing...and it's slowly, but surely showing

I bend my knees in shame...
Why, oh why did I sin again?
I spend my time, losing this game
The blame is on me and then...

I am forgiven...
I promise, oh I promise...
I won't sin again...
Now, I must live with open eyes 
Things come and go to my surprise 
At the very least...
Now, I feast on my grief's yeast 

Sorry, I disappointed you and failed life's test...
I let you down once more and it hurts to know it so well
I must rest my fatigued eyes and try my best to rest
Tired of things of my past, coming up in the surface in which I dwell 

Memories shatter and fix themselves...
Mine sure did that 

You think I can break under pressure...
Well, think again! 

I am struggling forever it seems
I'm fighting back tears of defeat
I am trying to fix my broken dreams
Time and time again, landing on my feet

I stubbed my toe 
It seems as though
I have hurt you so
There's so many things I still don't know 

I guess I'll learn and keep learning
About all the things that you bring up a lot
Well, some can keep on burning...
But, I haven't given up, so drink your I-lost-it-all shot

While I drink up completely and pack up my things 
And...I bet you know the rest as you get comfy in your nest
It's as if my wealth and feelings have grown wings 
But, I must chase after it before it goes east to west 

Exhausted, so I'm falling asleep 
So glad that I am not a lost sheep
You're deep in your well of farewells
While I'm in the air... only our time tells... 

You smeared the nasty blood of fear
Upon my face of once humbling cheer
You cut me in pieces of nothingness 
You are a hard nut to swallow, your heiness 

It's too early to be fighting over pleasure 
It's too late to be leaving room for leisure
Breathless and speechless more or less as usual 
I haven't lost my marbles yet, so keep it cool 

I haven't the time to waste anymore
You must leave through this front door
I, for one, must mend these scars
And seek silent slumber with shimmering stars

I'm appalled by all the things I see
Just go away and don't think twice
I'm sorry I couldn't heal your injury
If all else fails, let me pay the price 

And I remorsefully let out crimson and you don't even see the pain I am afflicted with 
It's all that's left of me...oddly enough, you remain unmoved...
And I can't hold on to the things you gave me, so I won't carry it around like a worn-out myth 
It's the things I can't unsee...your actions and things approved...

You forgot about me
And yet, you ask for my forgiveness?
Wow, how can that be? 
Do not regret the things we did regardless 

We were careless when we were young
We were a success when we did belong
I'm living my bittersweet life 
While you live with soiled strife 

Our horizon will glow though
Our destiny and such will show
If we deal with things ahead of time
Not all things last an infinite lifetime

Copyright © J.W. Earnings | Year Posted 2018

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