The Legend of Parson Uzzell's Pants
Bat Masterson was hired as a gamblin' boss at the Denver Saloon in 1891,
In a town high in the Rockies, Creede by name; he took no guff from anyone!
The rowdy saloon, restaurant and gamblin' hall ran twenty-four hours a day;
Bat patrolled the place with a pair of 44's on his hips to keep ruffians at bay!
One night he was approached by Parson Tom Uzzell who asked to preach,
As he was wont to do in minin' camps, hopin' fer errant souls to reach!
With misgivin's a sermon might dampen play, Bat banged a bottle on the bar
And told everyone to "remove yer hats while Parson Tom preaches over thar!"
After the sermon Bat directed a bar-tender to pass the hat for Parson Uzzell.
"Be generous with yer coin, then ya'll can continue with yer booze to guzzle"
"Boys, I'm a-thankin' ye", said Tom, "I'm gonna build a church in Creede!"
"I had a revelation from God; He said a heap of religion is what you need!"
Bat was a notorious practical joker and while the parson slept that night,
He had 3 of Soapy Smith's con men steal the parson's pants on the slight!
When the silver-laden pants pockets were emptied, $348 was tallied!
The raucous rabble agreed to double that amount when again they rallied!
$700 was collected; Bat put the pants and money in a safe in the saloon.
Tom roared into the saloon next day clad in red long-johns around noon!
Callin' on God to strike down the thief who had stolen his pants and money!
They laughed when Bat gave Tom his pants; even Tom thought it funny!
Honorin' the tradition of big winners, Parson Tom bought a round for all!
'Tis Colorado lore about the prank played on Tom in Denver Saloon Hall!
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