The Blundering Bloodsucker

I was christened a vampire at the stroke of ten. My bloody reign of terror was about to begin. No more would I live as a once good samaritan. To think before this, I was a confirmed vegetarian. Now destined to hunt human prey by night, Relishing the moment of that fatal first bite. Down a dark deserted alley, I hatched a simple plan; To watch for the arrival of a single woman or man. Perched on a fire escape, it was there I awaited. I hoped it wasn't someone to whom I was related. But as my hunger grew, it didn't really matter. I longed for the carnage and arterial splatter. Soon there came the sound of staggering shoes. It was a tall lanky man, clearly reeking of booze. As soon as he neared, I pounced from above. He puked on my chest and gave me a shove. I fell on my back, as he ran from the scene. Now jumping to my feet, I had to come clean. This dirty deed wouldn't be as easy as I thought. Could it be from the lessons I was never taught? How does one kill for the very first time? I was feeling quite ill and covered in slime. I hurried back home, for a badly needed shower; Then glancing at the clock, I noticed the hour. Time was ticking down towards the coming of dawn. I had to rethink my tactics and muster my brawn. Two blocks over, I spied a lonely old maiden, With a cane in her hand; and a purse that was laden. I crept up from behind with cunning, stealth, and grace. Spinning around, she screamed; and pepper sprayed my face. Dropping to my knees, with eyes burning and red; I prayed there was someone close, that was easily bled. After deciding not to tolerate any tit-for-tat, I finally gave up; and drank the neighbor's cat.