The Ballad of Bunnie and Claude

Author's note: This is not intentionally a historical piece, dear readers, but I thought I should probably add a bit of background info primarily for the benefit of my more international friends and colleagues on this site who may not be too familiar with the goings on of the late 2nd to mid 3rd decades of the 20th century in this country. My tale is set in the so-called Depression Era, and the line "Two others hogged all the fame", of course, references the infamously notorious couple Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow whose criminal activities were the top news stories practically every day from February 1932 until the really big one on May 23, 1934. My couple, by contrast, is not nearly as hardcore. Gather 'round while I tell you a story, At the end you may scoff or applaud, But I'm swearing to you Every word here is true In this tale about Bunnie and Claude. No one remembers their names, Two others hogged all the fame. Bunnie Packer was a dime-a-dance hostess, Claude Burrow was a sailor on leave. He was a big, burly guy But kind of awkward and shy, And she was stacked like it's hard to conceive. They met one Saturday night, And it was love at first sight. Bunnie's shift that night started at seven, Claude wandered in around ten. She was dead on her feet, But he seemed so darned sweet That when he asked her to dance she gave in, And the next thing they knew, The joint was closing at two. Bunnie's boyfriend was a bouncer named Bruno, And as he escorted Claude to the door, First, the whole room went black, Then something gave him a whack, And brawny Bruno fell face down on the floor. And when the lights came back on, Claude and Bunnie were gone. By then the place was abuzz with commotion, And Bruno spied his boss looking glum. As he was counting the till, Something whacked him, as well, Knocked him out, laid him flat on his bum, And what he feared most was true, The cash receipts were gone, too. Claude and Bunnie got as far as Penn Station, They were going to hop a bus for L.A. It would be so much fun To live their lives on the run, And maybe stop and get hitched on the way. But the Navy takes a dim view Of gobs who miss their curfew. Bunnie said she had to go to the ladies, But when she returned from the loo, The L.A. bus had pulled out, And no Claude was about. Now what was poor Bunnie to do, Left alone with her shame, And not a dime to her name? Now here should be an end to my story, But to leave her like that would be flawed. When Bruno found her, of course, She lied and said she'd been forced, And by the time they got back things had thawed. Back with that dime-a-dance crowd, But no more sailors allowed. Two weeks later Bunnie said yes to Bruno, They had a big wedding bash at the club. After three days in jail, Claude and his shipmates set sail, His life of crime neatly nipped in the bud. Now you can scoff or applaud My tale of Bunnie and Claude.