Struggling

12/12/19 "Struggling" I've been struggling Doing things that are puzzling It's rather troubling How much liquor I've been guzzling Shiiiit I admit I'm not proud at all I got a problem with alcohol It'll be my downfall If I don't fix it Instead of always getting twisted On my end, there's been a lot of resistance It's been hard, and I know that I'll miss it But I want to follow through on my wishes And get after serious riches All the while, taking care of business With god as my witness Up until the very last minutes And at the finish I don't need anybody's forgiveness Just got to make the best of my existence Another relapse, because I always got to get my fixes On the walls upside down triple sixes Pictures of provocative b**** es Blowing kisses And a tank with fishes As well as a few glow in the dark crucifixes Life's tough, yet sometimes it isn't Good riddance Once again I've done did it I'm starting to get suspicious Of much more than the superstitious I've been ambitious Yet still oh so vicious Sorry, can't relate, I'm not very religious And that's just one difference Use to be a jock and a nerd Nowadays I burn so much herb I've been feeling disturbed Because there's been so much I learned Yet the problems always return When you're at your lowest or feeling superb On my back the weight of an anvil Been trying to leave it at the landfill But keep ending up at a standstill Damn girl, You really gave me feelings of ecstasy Turns out it wasn't always meant to be You'd best believe Working my ass off, to barely earn ends meet Only to struggle on through the next week Makes me feel like a ****ing dead beat Life continues testing me Getting the best of me, but I can't let it be I'm ready to achieve An outcome that turns out successfully Living rather recklessly Been at odds and making some enemies Doing things that'll shorten longevity And life expectancy Having strange tendencies And certain dependencies Which could very well be the death of me