Sex Advice For Men

Sex Advice For Men Wear double rubbers 24 hours a day Don’t have sex in boxer shorts If your woman is pretty, do it in the light If she is ugly, do it in the dark If she is so so, dim the lights and pray that it’s ok Bazookas are too tight for a vagina Dynamite is dangerous Never open up an umbrella inside of her It is bad luck Erotica has a time and place We all know that salty but not unpleasant taste So remember to brush your teeth and gargle And say grace before and after every meal Use butter in bed but never margarine Peanut butter and whipped cream are allowed Turpentine is prohibited Never ride your wife like she’s a horse Unless you saddle her first of course, to avoid divorce The best advice to give in these holey matters is Check for all the right body parts If there’s too much apparatus down under In the lower extremities She’s a he Never have sex with animals with or without your zoo shots Sex with one woman at a time is advised You don’t always have to wear a tie Unless you intend to marry When you take her on a date you have to wait When she turns red, push the green button, (cash) If that doesn't work, use the jumper cables or cable TV Take her dancing, spin her around It’s like rotating the tires on your car Women with athletic skills and acrobatics are the best Stay away from girls without a pulse It’s the same as having sex alone or something worse