I'M Sorry

I’m stuck. My mouth tries to speak my thoughts. My creative process is buried in the muck. My tongue is in tangled up knots. I long so terribly to tell you how I feel. Although, every time I try, the words become deserted. If the words finally do come out, it will feel too real. These discombobulated feelings will leave us disconcerted. I want to make you happy. But if I do that, I’m doing a disservice to myself. We don’t feel the same way, sadly. Keeping these emotions bottled up inside can’t be good for my already deteriorating mental health. If these words somehow do manage to spill out, your new found happiness will evaporate. I’ve reworded this poem to you more times than I can count. I wish this jumbled up mess in my polluted head would translate. You see me as this beautiful light But you don't know that I’m dying inside. You keep trying to “fix me”, but can't you see I'm just a match refusing to ignite? Although you think you are helping, you're just encouraging the landslide. I hope you know this is not your fault. This constant raging hurricane in my head isn't because of you. You the were the first to unlock my heart encased in the bolted shut vault. But I need you to know I can't continue our little pas de deux. We were like the tides, constantly pushing and hauling. What we wanted out of the relationship is where it divides. I was so busy fighting for emotional support, I didn't even notice you were falling. There were days where you were the sun. My mood increased dramatically when I was in your presence. Although other days you were like a cloudy day, making me feel heavy and overrun. Those days made me stressed and distressed waiting for your next move. I feel horrible. I can no longer reciprocate the emotions you're showing. The sparkle in your eyes when you look at me is adorable. Your love for me is overflowing, and I am drowning in the waves. Your bright colors that I once loved so dearly, have faded into a saturated gray. This relationship is digging our own graves. You’ve laid your heart on the line, and I’ve just swallowed it hole. The lovely words replaying over and over in my head “All I want in my life is to be able to call you mine.” I’m a thief in the night and your heart is what I stole. I was afraid that’d you’d break me, but oh how the tables have turned. I want you to know though, I really did care about you greatly. Never get involved with anyone is my lesson learned. I know I haven’t shone it lately.