How To Have Sex

Begin by swinging from chandeliers when home Wear matching multicolored harlequin costumes Equip yourselves with harmonicas and bazookas Keep lubricants and trampolines near by for safety Practice lunar landings in your room to Resume your activities in the great outdoors Do sex outside in a car when retired Bring a partner and spare tire as required Avoid police if so inclined Drive eighty miles an hour at all times Watch out for sharp curves if they object Narrow mountain roads are watching Keep one eye on the road while inserting Headlights and moon glow set the mood Never use puppets when in an auto Open highways are always open to suggestion Mating should only occur in mid air Eat oysters raw when in flight Climb to greater heights Use Airplanes for best results Jump from wing to wing Wear a parachute and a pirates patch Use only one to avoid catastrophes Take lessons from cartoons To find out who you are Leave farm and zoo animals out of the equation Milking a cow is taboo too… Don't do it! Wear rubber gloves if you must Position yourselves to be lazy In opposite directions for safety Never have sex face to face Back to back is better jumping on the bed Apparatuses are optional To be avoided by amateurs Watch out for babies! (They snore) Never run over them It's against the law And down right crazy Pregnancy can be fun too Instructions are on the dashboard But first you must buy or rent a car Before you floor it