How To Have Sex
Begin by swinging from chandeliers when home
Wear matching multicolored harlequin costumes
Equip yourselves with harmonicas and bazookas
Keep lubricants and trampolines near by for safety
Practice lunar landings in your room to
Resume your activities in the great outdoors
Do sex outside in a car when retired
Bring a partner and spare tire as required
Avoid police if so inclined
Drive eighty miles an hour at all times
Watch out for sharp curves if they object
Narrow mountain roads are watching
Keep one eye on the road while inserting
Headlights and moon glow set the mood
Never use puppets when in an auto
Open highways are always open to suggestion
Mating should only occur in mid air
Eat oysters raw when in flight
Climb to greater heights
Use Airplanes for best results
Jump from wing to wing
Wear a parachute and a pirates patch
Use only one to avoid catastrophes
Take lessons from cartoons
To find out who you are
Leave farm and zoo animals out of the equation
Milking a cow is taboo too… Don't do it!
Wear rubber gloves if you must
Position yourselves to be lazy
In opposite directions for safety
Never have sex face to face
Back to back is better jumping on the bed
Apparatuses are optional
To be avoided by amateurs
Watch out for babies! (They snore)
Never run over them
It's against the law
And down right crazy
Pregnancy can be fun too
Instructions are on the dashboard
But first you must buy or rent a car
Before you floor it
Copyright © Earl Schumacker | Year Posted 2016
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