Go Deep

It was deep in the 1980s, and I was deep into my late 30s. I was playing deep in right field dreaming of yester-years. A fly ball was hit deep in my direction and going deeper still. And there were clear blue skies with no sun in my eyes. I chased that ball like a twenty-something would have and caught it. It was a sensational over my head kind of catch that I'll never forget. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I have long since given up playing softball, but I still 'Go Deep". Geographically, I have not gone very far from my initial point of origin, and I was seventeen before I travelled more than 150 miles from home. Even since then, I have never gone beyond the geography between the Atlantic and the Pacific Oceans called the United States. I have never been under water more than a few feet, and I suppose the highest that I have been was in passenger planes that reached between 30 and 40 thousand feet. Notwithstanding, I was about 18 years of age before I ever flew in a plane. So, geography is not the place where you would find me going deep. I do not know the reason for that reality, and I cannot say that depths and heights, and far-away places are on my 'bucket list'. But I can say that for the better part of my life, I have always wanted to and proceeded to go deeper spiritually, socially, and culturally. I must confess that, though I wish it were not so, I have always found difficulty with going deep emotionally, and it is much easier to write my emotions than it is to speak them. Perhaps there may be 'trust issues', perhaps some of which are under lock and key. Although I am learning to do so, it took me a long time to learn how to speak from the heart, or even that there existed such a thing. Along the way, I have learned to, not follow my heart, but to lead it. I have never been one 'to stay in my place', whatever that means to me or anyone else. I have never found satisfaction inside the box, outside of the mainstream, or between 'assigned lines'. I have never felt better nor lesser, inferior nor superior to anyone else. I have every reason to believe that my DNA cries out for a 'deeper place', and the closer I move to the 'center of God', the more confident I feel that God-centered is exactly where I'm suppose to be. Therefore, my greatest quest is to go deeper into the spiritual realm, becoming more like my Maker. Spiritual depth is a human nature-defying adventure; an ever-descending, ever declining venture whose mission points upward. The closer I get to my Master, the more of 'the me' I find that is so unlike my Master; and the deeper I go away from me and my flawed self, the more of my Master's likeness I experience. The deeper I descend, the more murky waters I must traverse before I can experience the pure and crystal clear waters of my Lord. All the while, though murky me, it is clear that I have been accepted just as I am, but like the silversmith, my Savior never ceases in His attempt to see His face in me. So on I go, and deeper still.............. 100320PS