Fast Eddie Speaks Out In the Rabbit Cage

FAST EDDIE SPEAKS OUT IN THE RABBIT CAGE Say, pass me that half-carrot, Guido, before I fall asleep with boredom. Those lettuce leaves are tasty but, oh boy, It would take a thousand to fill me, Guido my man. OK, ears down, boys : here’s that dog again - Don’t move or he’ll stay all morning. Give him the old glassy-eyed stupid stare. Hold still, hold the line, stay with me, stay with me , If we hold together we have a chance of survival. . . . . . Aw, Eddie, you’ve been watchin’ too many re-runs of “Gladiator” You’re startin’ to sound like Russell Crowe, ha ha ha. . . . . . . . . Good, that four-legged urine-sniffer has gone after the cat. Wow! Look at the fur-shine on that new doe. Man, she gets my whiskers twitching all right. Listen, Fast Eddie, you can look at the goods but don’t touch. She’s new in the hutch and Minnesota Fats has his eye on her. He’s one big buck to handle. Yeah, well I ain’t scared, I coulda been a contender. . . . . Eddie, you gotta stop watchin’ those movie re-runs. That doe? Remember how old Black Legs and Pretty Boy with the grey eyes Ended up as pies and sausage after “accidentally” falling into The hot soup pan when Minnesota was nearby, And that was just because they laughed at his nose-twitch. Listen Guido, I can take him I tell ya, and then I’ll be the man, Then all the dough will belong to this big buck. . . . . Don’t you get it, Guido, “dough” and “doe”. . . . ? Fast Eddie, the only “Doh” I’m gonna hear is the Homer “Doh” Cos here comes Minnesota now. Quick, offer him your carrot. Mornin’ Fat Man, wanna chew my carrot? Go ahead, make my day, ha ha Man your fur sure is shiny, Minnesota, wish I could get mine like that. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Written for Miranda Lambert's Contest BEHIND BARS BLUES