Dreamtime: Woodenman

Unbeknownst to me, WoodenMan enjoyed quite a cotillion of female admirers. With his rosewood dimples barely lifted in permanent bemusement, women found him adorable, though decidedly eunuch. It all began the night I visited the local tavern, where a prominent antique appraiser was holding court, obliging townsfolk with estimations as to the value of their assorted and sundry treasures. I attended with two ancient family lamps and WoodenMan, whom I had grown (I thought) tired, of his ever present companionship. Dismissing my first lamp with a wave of minimal value, the hawk-eyed appraiser fastened his gaze on WoodenMan….”bring him closer” he declared…..as WoodenMan was most ungainly and prone to tipping over at the blink of an eye. I gingerly gathered him, attempting not to injure his pride in doing so…. “quite a specimen you have here” he announced to many heads turning our way “are you sure you wish to relieve yourself of his care? You know, they become quite attached to their surroundings” …..at that precise moment, glimpsing my second lamp, the appraiser excused himself hurriedly, and dashed off to alert a collector friend of his, as to his remarkable find. When he returned with the well-known (who shall remain nameless) businessman, they set upon me with negotiable jabbering, attempting to dislodge my precious lamp from my holdings. During this discourse, WoodenMan appeared interested in our discussion, when the appraiser mentioned “did you realize they can grow to weigh up to 500 pounds? This news somewhat took me back! as I only imagined handling his disjointed self under these circumstances. Conversation passed, and I became aware the businessman was also interested, perhaps, in acquiring WoodenMan. Well, I’m convinced WoodenMan knew more than he revealed, when he joined the conversation, addressing the businessman directly, without moving his perfectly inlaid lips (and quite to the astonishment of the swelling crowd around us) “dear Sir, you realize, knowing too well your various and assorted carryings on with the leading ladies of this community, I would be most aggrieved, to allow your company more than the briefest of time!”….at this quite surprising twist in the proceedings, I moved to gather my possessions, respectfully collected WoodenMan, and headed towards the door, content, with life as before. © All Rights Reserved