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Don't Leave Me

On the day you told me you wanted to die,
I stared at the glowing screen, 
Mouth gaping,
Wondering if I was understanding your words correctly. 

You toyed with me to throw me off your trail
A rabbit zig zagging through the brush
But Im a hunting hound 
Trained for the best. 

I caught whiff of your suicide sent 
Its smell is familiar to me. 
Casual jokes, silence, im fine lies. 
All a mask to hide the truth you don’t want me to see. 

You don’t want me to see the razors in your pockets  
The empty alcohol bottles under your bed, 
The pills by your sink for illnesses you do not have,
The belt hanging from your fan, that is four sizes too long. 

You don’t want me to see this side of you
But I see it whether you show it to me or not.
You tell me to forget and move on
But how can I?

How can I forget the awful panic
That I might one day respond to the call
That you have tried to take your life
That I might hold your life in my hands one day. 

How can I forget the awful panic 
That I might lose you. 
That I might cry rainbow tears 
As your father serenades you into forever sleep. 

Forgive me if I seem selfish
Its just I have only now found a reason to live. 
And it kills me that 
My reason to live also wants to die. 

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016

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