Dear Unborn Baby

7/10/2018 I used to think a mother was just somebody who made babies I used to think if I made one, my child would save me. They'd tell me once you got a kid, you gotta let go of your dreams no time for college when you gotta cook, change diapers and clean. I thought I'd have his baby if I couldn't be his wife but I was only 19 knowin nothing bout life Girls my age already had 2 kids and an ACS case stayed wit their mommas or their baby daddys place head out to clubs and parties while friends watch the kid not knowing the male presence that stalked over the crib too busy on their iPhones to notice their 2 year old fell the baby's hungry chewing up all the drugs daddy left to sell. Black and Latina women viciously beatin their children you can hear it all throughout the project building The anger of being a single teenage mother on welfare almost worse than when her man kicked her 7 month pregnant belly down the stairs. The first vision of mom and pops is in family court cuz he ain't paying no more child support either way it's spent on pedicures not pampers daddy misses every visit buyin himself drinks and private dancers. I used to think a mother was just somebody who made babies I just hope my child doesn't ever grow to hate me. Mommy's drowning with depression, daddy's battling being bipolar pain was our cursed connection, it got worse once he got sober. Don't ever doubt we loved each other and you but when daddy saw red, mommy only saw blue. I'm sorry I cried so much with you in my womb sorry if you felt papi throw me across the room. I worried about you baby so I had to leave it was bad but not worse than I'd ever been beat. Vow to never let you go through all the stuff I did though I want him around...I got more than enough love to give. Dear unborn baby, I've spent 36 weeks carrying you inside my love only grows as I feel you ready to arrive. I used to think a mother was just somebody who had babies but there's a difference between my "mother" and the "woman who made me."