A Conversation In Autumn

There were silence and stillness in the autumn air Foliage adorned the trees like fair auburn hair The stream did not bubble; the pond had no ripples The garden seemed uninhabited by people But the garden was not void of good company On a bench was seated the little girl and me ‘You look quite troubled. What could be wrong?’ I asked her ‘Is there any way I could make you feel better?’ The little girl looked at me and said, ‘I feel lost…’ ‘There is a debt that comes at much too high a cost I cannot meet the price; it is just too hefty This unmet debt unsettles me; I feel guilty…’ ‘Debt? Hefty? Guilty?’ her vague statements puzzled me ‘What you are saying to me is a mystery! What hefty debt could come at much too high a cost? Is it greater than the price Christ paid on the cross?’ ‘I understand what you’re saying in my mind’s eye But my heart condemns me; that I cannot deny For Christ, my Lord, tells me to love my enemy But I can’t show concern to the one who hurt me’ I could not find the proper words to comfort her Guilt burned within me like hot, ignited sulfur Since the one who hurt me is not my enemy Why does it repulse me to show her some pity? After some silence and reflection, I asked her: ‘My dear, have you brought this struggle to God in prayer?’ ‘Prayer?’ the little girl fidgeted uneasily ‘Well, no… I can’t…’ she sighed and bowed her head sadly ‘Well, why not?’ I pressed her for a clearer answer ‘I’m afraid… Afraid to pray about this matter I’ve locked it up in that dark, familiar closet It is something I want to, but cannot, forget’ ‘Why would unlocking the closet bring you such fear?’ ‘I don’t want to go to that room… I’m happy here I was once held captive in that dark, dreadful room Confined in a closet where despondency loomed What if my return holds me captive forever? What if the closet recaptures its prisoner? No, I will never set foot in that room again! Dear Lord, please spare me the trauma; save me the pain!’ Lost for words, I reached out and took hold of her hands ‘Our fears and struggles, our Lord Jesus understands Though words of prayer may fail us, He knows our frailty Entrust our guilt to Him; our load He will carry’