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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required A Dylan Thomas State of Mind It’s precisely 2:45am...the time when ~ if I’ve fallen asleep ~ I always awake to find Myself drenched in sweat. I lie here beside my beloved ~ as I have so steadfastly since 16 November 2016 ~ Thinking about...wondering...pondering The end of my existence. I am not talking about Taking my own life. NO! I’ve seen, heard, touched, tasted, smelt too much... I’ve survived too much, felt too much... I value Howard’s sweet...sweet... Nurturing soul’s devotion To keeping me alive these past 40 years To raise my hand against myself...now. I AM talking about these things: Where do we go when we die? Do I have a soul? Will I be conscious — at the moment it happens — That I am drawing my very last breath? Sometimes, when I awake in the early morn, Howard is motionless beside me And I stare at his beautiful face. Dare I reach out and touch it with one finger? What if it’s stone cold? His flesh heavy...dead? Death. The End of Living. The End...The End...The End... Last January I begged for surcease... For an end to the pain... An end to the physical torture... An end to the psychic suffering... The constant thoughts of: “Is there a Hell?” “Will I go there if I take my own life?” “What does ‘eternity’ mean?” Now this morning of 19 October 2017 I am thinking...feeling...praying: Please...Please...Please... God/Goddess/All That Is/The Universe/The Spirit Make my neglected hated scorned body Healthy and whole. So I may live today... tomorrow... next month... next year... Do not let me go gentle into that good night. I am alive now... And I rage... I RAGE NOW! ....against the dying of the light. Barbara Dickenson 19 October 2017
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