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Her Name Is Jan
Rick Springfield's Jesse's Girl was playing on the radio, we were all partying guys and girls out on my patio. I prayed no one or you would catch me looking your way, noticing what I was doing for the better part of the day. The music?, just irony, go ahead give it a whirl, here I am awestruck by you my best friends girl I just know this is so wrong all the thoughts I have about you. You always look like you smell like soap taste like morning dew. You always look like you just came out of the dryer. I really have to ignore this urge or end up in the fryer. There's a girl just to my left I know it's me she's talking to. She might as well be talking to the wall all I can see is you. It's my party, my house but I grab my jacket and leave. Suddenly I hear someone running behind me, it's Steve " You ok guy, you're white as a sheet, are you ill?" he says, worry on his face. I reply "I'm fine, chill." "Good. Mind if I join you?" he counters and he's all in. Guilty is my middle name but I don't tell him of my sin. "I've been staring at your girlfriend all night" I think! "Is that what I should tell him?" I am on the brink. I change my mind and I decide not to tell him anything. We walk for a while before he shows me a wedding ring. He explains he is ready to take the leap. I listen quietly I don't make a peep. What is wrong with me? This is my childhood friend, I might as well be Judas look at me...as if I wish his end. He is Caesar and I am Brutus with a knife in my hand. How did I get here what am I thinking this was unplanned. I congratulate him, his hug says it all. He suspects nothing, nothing at all. I know I will be selling my eternal soul when we finish, at the end of this stroll. I haven't told you the other side until now, she looks at me too. She can't take this vow. I know I will lose a lifelong relationship. I don't care. I'm going for it. Let it rip I 'm going to move in on her this very night or in the morning in the bright of the light, share my feelings. I am sure she feels the same way too I am sure she will, if she didn't I wouldn't know what to do. Steve must of left, but when? He was just with me. Two men lead me to a room. Lock the door for me. Everyone must of left. I hear screams in the hall. I think they injected something in me, the gall. The dream the dream I am having...again. Rape...murder...bodies, Steve, her, me, insane. What did I do?...what did I do?...wet I'm wet. Sleep. I have to sleep. That's it you bet. I bolt up. She's in bed with me. She's with me. A nightmare. I was having...it was all make believe. These nightmares have to stop...these bad dreams. Go back to sleep. Yes. In the hall, what are those screams? 03/10/2014
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