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I sung all the night with the Devil,
It seemed harmony had found itself spooning with dissonance
Not indeed needing to be one or the same
Yes—the light indeed could sustain itself in the midst
Of what then was our prison
Now a sanctuary of content wonder—
Saturated in tears,
Had become an unsustainable haven
Destined for Lady Darkness to engulf fully
Upon my departure
She would have him solely to herself, yes
As was her vocation,
Her meaning of life as I knew it
I had been wary of the sensitive state immersing my frame
I had fought desire blindly even as the waves of the Holy Spirit
Had guided me to a sure outflow of strength
I had told God to fight with me
And now I was bleeding in the idea of losing it all
Losing the idea of what had brought me here to begin with
This creature whom I have realized I loved
All the more…
How could love commune with the Prince of Darkness?
How was I sensible, possible,
In this state of dreamy longing?
All that is love is God
How then could I love the Devil
With God’s agape love akin?
How wary I was to begin with
When suddenly I have been brought to the falls of spewing desires
After seeing his very tear shed for my eyes alone
Gripping me, capturing me again
I heard His voice warning me over and over
About the deceptions, the lies…
Could those tepid tears be but lies?
How could I crush the words the Lord had given?
How could I question?
For it was He, Almighty God
Who had spoken to me in the light of day
Safe from the shadows of doubt
It was God, the voice who spoke to the shafts of the universe
To the fashioned stars, to the heated galaxies
Ready to behold feverish, mortal breaths
On a world blemished, first blessed
The voice who had spoken to every plant,
And every beast
That quietened the sphere
And every recalcitrant deed therein
The voice, with anger, but no malevolence traced
Who had imparted my heart to sing
And bring forth light
To even the damned Prison of Plot
He exploded, His voice, in the night, in my dreams
He warned me over and over
To take heed lest I be lost forever
Ensnared in the wants that have converted me to sin
And yet another voice, awakening me,
With consonance bright and restful
Apprehensive and ardent
And in every way passionate,
His strident voice, deep and supple,
“Stay here just a little longer more as your God
Has allowed you
Has granted me this beatific company
Take wing into my creations
Travel with me freely
Do not reason to die
Dream to live with me forever!
Yes—I laughed at you!
Though like your God I test you!
Will I abandon you
Do not pause at the discretion of your delicate mind
Remember my tears the night before
What wonders they have shown you
They tasted of your own
For I have devoured your sorrows
And have given you joy sevenfold
We shall fall no more,
But rise in the surety of our love.”
I opened my eyes to his face
He gazed like one enchanted by lights in the night
His face was like a kiss of reminiscence
A trace of remembered ecstasy
His face interrupted my thoughts
With details stronger, sharper than ever before
I longed then to taste again
The lips that sung to me
And I faltered in the faint sound
Of his laughter escaping his shameless mouth
“Oh sweet voice, soft as fire…
Treacherous as fire—
Why ever have I come here to die?
And to crumble willingly, die with you?
To cry with you?
Do not laugh!
Will I powder to earth by these subtleties?
Will I become one with Hades again?
To meet Death’s gaze willingly
Surely Gehenna awaits us both now
For you and He alike know the truth—
The shame I conceal
That is ever revealed!”
He frowned at me,
“Or shall you forget, glory and all,
And assemble yourself in line
With all other fools,
For the sacred touch of repentance,
For the doom of everlasting obedience?
I shall not let you forget me
After I have cried for you!”
I let my hands fall into his,
As I gazed at the gloom I had brought him
“Remember my time here is short—
And it seems in God’s eyes I have fallen even shorter,
These desires inside me will stretch my time
My memories of you will keep you alive forever
I will curb my hopes in misery,
The moment of your defeat…
And yet, I embark upon your passions,
Evermore I fall, I bite into hidden truths
Through the salt of your willing tears
How shall I not share such fruit?”
He pulled me from the ground to hold me,
Standing tall with him, closer
To avert my attention toward our creation
How the maelstrom remained,
Floating and mixing with my light
It still remained—how could I have forgotten?
In silence I begged His voice to strengthen me,
Yet all I could hear was our music—
The oath of my wants
And in the corner of my eye
I could see them—
Louder, hear them!
The four horses galloping
In their round and round revelation
Their hooves restless in the maelstrom’s
Think of the power of your God
Think of the vastness of his thoughts
Had He known of your conflictions?
Even before you longed to be in my presence,
Of your love for me?
Or of my own love?
Perhaps more doubt rots in your heart
Than His own
In all of His pastoral considerations,
He knows your heart
Just as you know my tears
He knows you are a clever spirit,
And no outcome is set in stone.”
I heard their neighing louder
Our creation surrounding us
I asked him softly,
“Could you silence them but a moment?
See, I wish to show you my hopes
Even if they are but foolish dreams…”
The horses ceased their terrible cries
The swoops of their hooves fell silent
The half-drowned demons remained quiet
Hades huffed and Death doted
“I obey my love’s request,
With a trusting heart,
Open to your song,
I rest in you the reigns.”
March 2, 2018
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