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Struggling Love
I know you know you stole our property, our mutual possession, our sense of co-ownership, of belonging together to grow our health forever. I know you took it for your sole ungrateful possession, to use for your self recreating purposes, not a subject for open communication, further evolution of whom we were becoming together. You know I know you stole our mutually co-arising trust in cooperative objectives and views and color-filled perceptions, you removed our room for cooperative gratitude, replaced with anger and fear of future isolation, divorce. We both know with deeply resonant intuitive integrity, this critical event in our relationship cannot redeem, re-direct, re-connect, our co-arising healthy trajectory without mutually acknowledging our sense of excommunicating loss and suffering to have stolen and to have been thereby co-laterally severed from co-expansive gratitude, replaced by co-condensing anger burning entropy, absence of healthy wealth through love's reiterating Commons of communication. We both know If I am generous toward you, if I "gift it forward" in your direction, and you feel gratitude in response, and express that gratitude through your deeds and words then you redeem and co-arise further generosity of love; While not feeling and/or not expressing gratitude in non-response absorbs and dampens and depresses love into our co-dependent toxicity of habit where new creative loving life once grew. We both are sane as love will grow in our time and organically chosen, integratively intended, places, relationships, transactions. We both are crazed as other competing loves still hunt and gather to fill in our gaps and fracturing losses. We all trust our cosmological economy of synergy evolves cooperatively reiterating gratitude, human naturally reflected in love's economy co-arising generosity. We mistrust unilateral love, like lust, so discontenting, raises encrusted mountains of anger deep flowing lava rivers of fear. We respond with trust and respect and care, with practice and intent of generosity until we no longer understand response as gratitude, until chronic patterns feel empty of generosity returned, redeemed, replaced with judgment or apathy too often swelling into anger and fear, hunting and gathering and stealing standing in for trust and respect and care. I react unwilling to continue this generous intent because you steal my trust in our future as co-arising health. Struggling but still vigorously healthy love evolves and sustains co-arising generosity and mutually reiterative gratitude, which would be no exception to our daily norm, our default expectation of nature's rich abundance, if not for our mutual lack of gratitude, iconically captured in Win-Lose economics and anti-evolutionary cultural assumptions. Love evolves mutual economic generosity as synergy revolves co-arising ecological paradigms, systems and species, cooperativity creation, or love falls unrequited, unredeemed, stolen and absorbed into competitive mutual immunity, heading toward entropically co-condensing selves, cells of apathy and anger, cancerous hurt and swollen suffering. Love is risk which often pays generous returns, opportunities to invest further in healthy directions, in relationships of evolving wealth. We are free to choose to stop loving in response to suffering and ignorance and apathy, anger and fear and hatred, aimed at us by those we have invited into our trust; free to stop responding to loss as mutual theft with further generosity defusing integrity, honesty, because we feel too exhausted to survive feeding toxic co-dependency where we would nurture healthy co-redemption of mutual investment in trust, caring, this grace of cooperatively co-arising generosity. I do not know your quantities and qualities of need for nurturing your healthy life. If I have not offered generously in response to your needs and wants and hopes, don't steal from me what was ours to mutually benefit and then grow angry and fearful of how I may respond; extend your generosity with me just enough to help me understand what you want that I might have to give with gratitude. Love is like a mountain, majestic and beautiful to contemplate, difficult to climb to the apex, and harder still to survive there to accomplish long-term healthy outcomes, especially through cold winter nights. Love presents life's high stakes, high risks for some nightmares, high opportunities for some Great Day dreams.
Copyright © 2024 Gerald Dillenbeck. All Rights Reserved

Book: Reflection on the Important Things