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Damages and Diseases of the Swinging Pendulum Mind: Part Four
The pendulum starts gaining speed again I can’t sleep I feel so guilty keeping you around I shouldn’t I should not do this to you If I were truly your friend I would set you free I should I should So why can’t I Why can’t I function without you woosh, woosh The pendulum speeds And speeds I can’t sleep I can’t sleep I am sorry I am sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So sorry So Sorry So sorry So sorry So Sorry So Sorry So sorry The Pendulum swings faster Faster and faster I wish it would stop I wish my mind would stop shifting Stop Stop I’m so scared I’m so angry I’m sad I hate it All of it And there goes the pendulum ever faster Ever changing the splintered fragments of my mind Why Why must my mind be so sporadic Always shifting Always changing Like the sands of the ocean floor Always different Always I hate this I do not like this And all that happens Is you get hurt And I’m sorry for that So very, very sorry It’s not fair to you It’s not fair And I don’t know what to do To make it all better To make everything better To make all my tortures go away So that you can be happy I just want you happy I should let you go Set you free … You should keep away from me It would be better For you So much better Less painful Less heartbreaking Less damaging I am damaged beyond repair But that does not mean you need to be You could go Run Be free You should It would be better Much better for you Just let the flames consume me Let the waters choke my cries…my pleads And let the deadly pendulum slice me in pieces Grind me down to nothing Burn me So that my virus cannot be spread So no one else will be hurt So you can live free and happy Because I can’t keep living with myself Knowing what I do to you And again the pendulum swings Again and again And again And again It will never end Never end Until I do Until I finally rest In my watery…bloodied grave
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Book: Reflection on the Important Things