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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required Inxs of poison from iron maiden scorpion mamma and ac/dc charged aries papa Although gainfully unemployed (fate now finds me receiving social security disability – for approximately the last baker's dozen years - the yeast divine intercession rose to the occasion), I can still vividly visualize utter despair during early and emerging adulthood. The following synopsis wrought, impressed, crafted... within mine temple mount when yours truly long overstayed his welcome and wore out welcome mat at 324 Level Road (formerly Rural Delivery 2 - before expanse of hundred acre wood constituting Glen Elm tract became vinyl city), and lacked courage - analogous to cowardly lion epitomized in The Wizard of Oz to test mettle and live independently – abandoned said challenge rather remained domiciled with birth parents. Indelible, permanent and unfading abysmal damaging domestic dynamics got indelibly etched in deep purple upon the memory banks of this erstwhile individual. The general gist in the form of quick broad brush strokes of psychologically traumatizing recollection now follows. I can attest to malevolent mean-spirited objections by my then father stayin' alive (Normandy Farms retirement community in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania) at date of forthwith original poetical draft (still mourning of his wife, i.e. mine late mother), whose passing did nothing to ameliorate severe emotional trauma in regard to mine unkempt appearance grossly unacceptable attire, deportment, grossly jaded mien and erratic work ethic to figuratively rattle (and hum) abridged list. Back in those inglorious bourne days, I poorly wore the mantle and staff of supposed maturity. Lack of compliance and obeisance with regulations and rules of the Harris household brewed, festered and lied dormant during prepubescence. The pressure and tension between maternal and paternal adult would rank as dysfunctional way before such psycho babble (barely audible above the babel between me mother and father) became je nais se quois in vogue. Such venomous barrage and fusillade spewed forth from off parental tongues at an exponential rate and on a par to feeling the stinging cudgel of a horsewhip. Out of fear and timidity, I consequently and silently absorbed cruel treatment. Neither the eldest nor youngest sibling bore witness against the tender spirit of their only brother. A façade as of statue conveniently adopted. This embodiment ill served to fend off onslaught of incessant anger. Such a defense mechanism offered miniscule protection as I mentally (dumbly and mutely) dodged andforded lobbed and rammed insults and affected defiance of endless threats and hollow ultimatums. No matter these bitter pills of blaring character assassination, denunciation, fulmination, incrimination, and countless vociferous vocalizations, I feigned to be stone (temple pilot) deaf. Such self-repression of emotional maelstroms only caused seething internal ire to invite intense anxiety and unpredictable debilitating panic attacks, They (mom and dad, neither parent still alive) became further angered and inflamed per my total oblivious stance. This reaction added insult to injury. Deliverance per tough love lessons amplified to the tune of additional feats at becoming excoriated, ranted and raved against personal habits and what appeared as mine nonchalant indifference to pursue work. Those involuntary, unrehearsed and vicious family chats happened to be replete with heavily exploding verbal wrath and uncorked anger. Dad, the nominal spokesperson for unpleasant chest donned thumping trumpeting exclamations emphatically swore all manner of vulgarity and demanded from this insolent appearing male offspring, whose passive demeanor intimated immediate compliance. Defiance and fatigue offered him that predictable and usual blank stare upon hearing the kind and lenient sentence to pack bags and GET OUT! With the dreaded approach of dire and sealed fate, I anxiously experienced a dramatic increase in apocalyptic suspense. Deadlines came and went without incident. What caused especial ire and wrath to fester pertaining to apparent ambivalence, indifference and nonchalance for me to take any job - even shoveling horse manure! My maternal grandfather supposedly never paid much heed to regular and steady employment despite his skill as a tailor. Hence my mother and three siblings lived in destitution and poverty. Behavior of yours truly triggered her flashbacks scores of years earlier, when she lived in squalor, and felt forced to seek either part or full time income, where household members lacked camaraderie and integration as a healthy family unit. The wraith of those ghastly imprecations still hound with infrequent unwanted ghostly visitations from thy dead mother. Anxiety and once immobilizing panic attacks the battle scars afflict my psyche and interfere with the ability to enjoy life, liberty and pursuit of happiness to the utmost despite reliance on following prescription medications: BUSPIRONE TAB 20 MG CLOMIPRAMINE CAP 50 MG CLONAZEPAM TAB 0.5 MG FLUOXETINE CAP 20 MG GLYCOPYRROLATE TAB 2 MG PRAZOSIN HCL CAP 1 MG PRAZOSIN HCL CAP 5 MG RISPERIDONE TAB 1 MG ROPINIROLE HCL 0.5 MG
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