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A vicar was preparing to leave his parish. In order to avoid a particular parishioner being sad, he said 'Don't worry, you'll probably get a better man.' 'Not necessarily,' replied the parishioner, 'that's what the last one said before he left.'

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When a bishop visited one of his remoter parishes, he was surprised to find only five people in the congregation. He said to the vicar 'Did you tell the people I was coming?' The vicar replied 'No, but Heaven help the person who did!'

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