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Best Poems Written by Maria Mastay

Below are the all-time best Maria Mastay poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

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Cancer

Cancer, a six-letter word that doesn’t mean much to most people.
Then the word suddenly has more power than a shot to the chest.
You think, am I still breathing?
You go to the bathroom to try to pull yourself together, to share the pain with someone else.
As the phone rings, you think you can do this, then they answer and the tears start flowing and it’s hard to breathe.
The coldness of the hospital bathroom floor never grounded me so fast.
Breathing coming easier, reeling in my emotions.
Now to be strong for everyone. Brave talk, brave face but inside you are falling to pieces. Feeling numb, but the world is just pushing me along, like faking being strong will make me survive.
Sleep gone, living off so little anymore. Feeling numb as if the whole world is now only grey.
Medicine turning skin that was my warm comfort is now fading, always cold. Hair falling faster than snow in January. Eyelashes floating away with the touch of a light breeze.
How I wish the pain, hurt, and anxiety would be gone, my love. Day by day, I build a brick wall waiting for it to start crumbling, wondering how long it would last before breaking again.
Days, weeks, months, and years, it becomes easier to hear the news. To know you have to be strong for the one you love. The feeling to try not break in front of people, especially your love. You find yourself questioning, why me? But the truth is God was there all along with you, He didn’t abandon you after you heard those six letters. He held you when you cried in the chapel during multiple hospital stays.

After too long of a journey, healing comes and finds its place, the light at the end of the tunnel. Slowly stitching us back together from too long a rocky road.

How that six-letter word cut so deep, the scars left behind will always be present in our memories. You’ll hold your breath at every appointment you go to, waiting for the shoe to drop over and over again.

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Love Language

Need words of affirmation. 
Need words, to make me feel loved, heard, accepted. 
Need words that seep in like warmth from a fire. 
Need words to communicate our adoration. 
Need words of affirmation.

Am I not worth words to make me feel loved, heard, accepted? 
Am I not worth words that make me heat as if I sat too close to the flames of the fire on a piercing snowy night? 
Am I not worth words of affection, praise? 
All we need is words of affirmation.

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Alcohol

That clean crisp bubbly taste. 
That clean crisp bubbly taste I crave. 
That taste just one more sip, one more sip to drown out the noise, one more sip to forget about everything. 
One turns into two, two turns into six, God knows it goes down easier than water.  
I used to be able to hold so much more, or at least it seemed that way. I just want to relax, to stop the stress just for a minute. But next thing I know, my lips become loose and words that were hard to share now start to flow without any effort. 
Eyes no longer bright white around my irises, now bloodshot. 
Stumbling over my words, thoughts hazy, tripping over myself and my head becoming scatterbrained. 

Just one more drink. 
Just one more drink to keep my emotions at bay. 

That taste of clean crisp bubbly sedative. 
Just one more drink.

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Broken Girl

Alcohol to numb the pains.  
Cigarettes to taste something other than hate.  
Sex to escape the constant loud voices in my head.  
Makeup to hide the broken girl inside.  

So put together, so stylish, so grown up and mature. Little did they know that girl was always manic, depressed, and anxious.  
Giving her body with no meaning just to escape herself. She felt beautiful on the outside, but like a raging storm on the inside.  

Her brave front for everyone to see on the outside comes naturally after so long. Just sometimes, she could not push back the overflow of brokenness from her non-healing wounds.  
One more cigarette, one more night for temporary relief, only to be followed with guilt.

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Divorce

Do you remember how it felt? 
Do you know what it feels like to feel worthless, not enough, to question love? 
Do you remember not knowing how love was supposed to look because what you thought was love was completely shattered. 
No more two in one bed, no more two in one place. 
No more comfort from you when I relied on it, to keep my anxiousness at bay. 

The slyness, the secrets that it took to shatter so many hearts.  
Now we are stuck picking up the shattered hearts both of you have broken.  
Now we are stuck dealing with the brunt of his anger and misery. 
We were too young to walk alone and too young to care for what was left behind, yet we picked up the pieces of what you both destroyed. 

It was so much to hold. The anger, the sadness, and hurt that struck harder than a punch to the face. 

Consoling them even though you were too broken to even sleep. The weight of telling us was so much to bear, yet you continued anyway, signing the papers without a second thought, moving on without a care. 

Trying to drink away the sadness of what used to be, letting myself be used to try to hurt you and to numb the pain of being in my own head, little did I know it didn’t hurt you, it just hurt me.

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Flash Backs

Flash backs, hitting like a bucket of ice water in a steaming shower. 
Never did I think they could come without me losing my breath or letting tears slip. 
They hit like a blackout right on a normal day, when you think they finally have gone away it sneaks up on you like you are the prey.  

My tears aren’t worth shedding on something from so long ago, but it doesn’t mean it hurts less. 

You are more than the flash backs. You’ve pushed through so much hurt in just a few years.

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Overthink

If I could hit pause. 
If I could hit replay. 
Just for one more day, to not overthink or sink. 
Just to converse and try not to curse. 
To not be overly friendly or overly petty. 
To not be overly stark or overly dark. 
Maybe one day.

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Hyper

Too hyper. 
Caffeine and nicotine, a constant cycle on repeat. 
Fidgety, can't sit still. Can't sit still.

Not enough caffeine, not enough nicotine, not enough tattoos.
Can't stand the silence.
Listening to the waves' crashing to drown out the spiral of thoughts racing through my head.
Brain, a constant whirlwind of thoughts.
Maybe just one more drag of nicotine?
Maybe a little more caffeine?
Too hyper to sit still.

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Panic

Heart beating too rapid to keep count, striking a beat to its own drum.  
Breath like hot acid with every forced inhale.  
Mouth now too wet, tongue feels too big for where it used to fit.  
Skin too hot, now slick with cold sweat.  
Stomach dropping like you just fell three hundred feet on a roller coaster.  
Brain in a frenzy letting the fight or flight set in.  

Are we about to run for our lives?

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Ocean

Ocean waves call me.  
Beckoning me to stop and stay a while. Staying awhile to listen to the peaceful music of the waves breaking upon the sand. Watching waves persistently pulling back to start again with no hesitation.  
If only the waves spoke a foreign language only I could understand. I would stay forever and ask about its ways.  
Ocean waves, how deep the depths of your beauty must go.  
To be such a safe place for creatures, nothing too big or too small, because of you they thrive and in such delight.