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5/2/2017 4:23:04 PM
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introduction
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Hi everyone. I'm Dean and I'm a Closet Poet! I have been a member for less than a week but so far I really like this site. Getting a comment on a piece of work that you left a chunk of your heart in is like catnip in your brownie! It just seems to make it all worth it. I have no formal training in poetry. I turn 60 this year and picked it up to get the voices out of my head. I have already learned a lot from reading others' work. Hope to see you around! - Dean
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5/2/2017 4:27:27 PM
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Where Did My "Favorites" Go?
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I am guessing the site was upgraded today. Yesterday I could find my Favorite poems and poets. Today I don't know where to look? Anyone?
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5/2/2017 4:35:49 PM
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Sounds
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I like this poem. It rings true with me. The question mark at the end of the 3rd line confuses me though. I'm not sure that's where it should go but I can't seem to find a better spot. That depends on you I suppose. Nice job! 
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5/3/2017 6:07:17 PM
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How do I get more comments/opinions from readers
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I know I am preaching to the choir here, because you are free with your comments. But for others, I have found that I get more views be viewing and commenting on a variety of poets' work. They can't comment if they don't read it. If they like well enough, I hope they will let us know.
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5/4/2017 9:47:00 AM
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Midlife Crises: comments please.
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Midlife Crisis
by Dean Wood
As youth flows out with middle age,
I find it hard to turn the page.
Life deals the cards and calls our name.
We ante up, or leave the game.
Working, saving, spending, craving
If life is gauged by things we own
By glorious deeds so widely known,
Then I must fold; in shame confess,
“I've lost this hand, I've failed the test.”
Labor, scheming, planning, dreaming
The dreams of youth are so elusive,
Love and fortune, so exclusive,
Time now keeps them beyond my grasp,
The lock of age is on the hasp.
Practice, yearning, study, learning
Notions in granite, supplanted anew,
Ideals so innocent and true
That filled my adolescent thoughts,
Replaced with truth; by patience wrought.
Knowledge, growing, wisdom showing
Life is not over! Not soiled with rust!
The dawn is now! A light to trust.
My coffers fill to overflowing.
Treasures humble, still are growing.
Riches tallied, courage rallied
Home and family; sacred ground,
With spouse and children gathered 'round,
A stronghold, safe from worldly trouble.
My life's net worth has been redoubled.
edited by Dean Wood on 8/30/2017
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5/17/2017 1:15:18 PM
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Help me find the Author
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Highland High School, Indiana, Yearbook 1996
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8/22/2017 12:39:55 PM
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Should I continue?
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By all means, finish it. It is good. Rhyming every line is more challenging. You could just rhyme the 2nd and 4th lines if you need a little more freedom. This is good, do not quit!
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8/22/2017 12:45:03 PM
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Criticize me honestly!
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Elizabeth, if this poem is true then my only criticism is this: Get some help NOW! You do not have to suffer this kind of abuse. Call a cop, a clergyman, any adult you trust and get help to get out of this relationship. Do it now!
As a poem, I am not real good at free verse but it communicates well and flows smoothly. The last line of the 4th stanza needs to read, ". . . I'm scared I could die". God Bless, Dean
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8/22/2017 12:52:28 PM
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Your suggestions please
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Smita, the message you are trying to deliver is clear but there were several things I noticed that detracted from you poem. 1. Wide spacing every line makes it hard to read and loses its effect quickly. Use line spacing to force the reader to pause or to emphasize a question or statement but do not over use it. 2. You have some grammatical problems and puncuation problems. Be sure to use a question mark with every question. Proof reading your poem before publishing will usually catch these. I think you wanted to say "You are in pain" rather than pains in one of your lines. Pay attention to those little things first and your work will improve greatly. Regards, Dean
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8/22/2017 1:01:19 PM
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Thoughts?
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This is lovely. Nothing I can add.
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8/22/2017 1:13:59 PM
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Please let me know what you think
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I am fine with the quatrain form you have chosen but it is not a free verse form. You need to choose a meter and syllable count or more loosely, a feel of rhythm. So, what I am saying is, the form you chose is more rigid than the way you wrote. If you want more freedom to ebb and flow then throw out the strict rhyme scheme and use a free verse form. Also, note the syllable count in the first line of each stanza, 4,2,5,5. A quatrain needs to be better balanced than this. One more thing, I couldn't tell if you were encouraging others to stand up and face the light or if this was to encourage yourself. You can clean that up a little I think. Its a good poem, it can be better with a re-write. Regards, Dean
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8/22/2017 1:43:29 PM
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Feedback please.
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Stan, I would agree, this is a good poem. I like the derelict ship metaphor and you stick with that right to the end. Well done. I don't like the word piteously. I am not even sure that is a word but regardless it is an adverb whereas "stark" is an adjective. Stick with the adjective "Piteous". "Nepenthe"; very nice! Great work!
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8/22/2017 1:52:34 PM
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Missing You
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Wow! Very evocative. This flows well and communicates beautifully what you are feeling. Just a couple of suggestions. The first one is obvious, you have several words that run together; like, soalone and willprevail. Clean these up. The second deals with adding a little more punctuation. For example, which did you intend, "Evolving, ever changing, my life becomes my own" or "Evolving, ever changing my life, becomes my own" or something totally different? I don't like ambiguous verse myself. Some do. Its just a suggeston. Regards, Dean
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8/22/2017 5:57:58 PM
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please let me know. this is called human error.
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I really like this poem Meghan! The desperation is tangible and convincing. I liked your word choice of "brink". Most would have used "edge". The alliteration in the 3rd stanza is a nice touch. Honestly, I am not real good at the "free verse" form so I can't give you much constructive criticism but I honestly like what I read here. Nice work! Regards, Dean
edited by Dean Wood on 8/22/2017
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8/22/2017 6:11:34 PM
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Love seat
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This sounds like the lyrics for a rap song. Some great mono-rhyme in these stanzas and internal rhyme to boot! Many poems lose the thought to the rhyme but you stayed true to the message. I enjoyed this. Well done!
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8/23/2017 10:28:00 AM
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First ever poem, slam poem I think maybe. Help :D
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This is a powerful write for a beginner! I am not an expert on free verse so I can't offer much in the form of advice. Only this, as well written as this piece is, it resembles prose broken up into pieces to resemble a poem. To be poetry, it needs more rythmn (not necessarily rhyme) and some poetic devices. This is a great piece of work and carries a good and powerful message but it needs a little work to become poetic.
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8/23/2017 10:38:46 AM
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APOCALYPSE - Please be brutal
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Poet, There is little to criticize in this fine piece of work. It is a beautiful sonnet about life with a clear turn in line 9. Textbook! I don't fully understand the message in the couplet but that is just me. I like this piece a lot! Nice job!
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8/23/2017 11:02:30 AM
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first public poem ever! let me know how i did
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Ronald, I like your sad story but I am not fond of the form you used especially if you are going to call it a Ballad. This is written primarily in tercet stanzas (three lines each). With a rhyme scheme that seems to vary randomly. I see aba, aab, abb, and aaa mixed through out. Ballads are written as Quatrains (four lines each), usually with an abab or abcb rhyme scheme. Also, ballads usually adhere to a strict syllable count and meter. Alternating between 4 foot and 3 foot meters. Your poem is very loose with the meter. In lines 1 and 3 of your stanzas the syllable count ranges from 10 (in the first staza) to as much as 17. You have two couplets (two-line stanzas) inserted into your tercet format which is fine but the each have a different rhyme scheme, 1st is aa, and the 2nd is ab with an internal rhyme for b. With all this unstructured business happening, it is more difficult to read and detracts from an otherwise well-thought out story and message. Good luck as you work on this piece.
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8/23/2017 11:11:08 AM
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Honest feedback please!//Bitter Sweet
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A thought-provoking message in this poem! Well thought out and presented well. I am not accomplished in the free verse form that you have chosen here to I will withhold criticism. That said, your last line (sentence) feels forced and out of place. It is a clever rhyme but the whole poem is emphasizing bitter and sweet when at the last moment, you throw "sour" at me. Rhyme is not forbidden in free form but this just feels like it is shoe-horned in. I recommend saving that nice rhyme for another piece of work and ending this one differently. Good luck with this poem!
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8/23/2017 11:37:32 AM
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I NEED FEEDBACK!!!11(the 1 was on purpose I swear)
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Jenny, First let me say, I agree with Darren. You write well! Pay attention to Darren's comments, he is very good and knows his stuff!
I would like to comment just a little on the 2nd poem "Think".
I love that first couplet! That sets the tone of the whole poem. One caution however, it also sets the meter and a loose range of syllable count for lines to come. Your syllable count and meter varies a lot in this well-written piece. I suggest you clean this up a little. The last line is an exception. It makes a statement, I wouldn't mess with that one.
Also, I love your rhymes for the most part. You have chosen to use tight , true rhymes mostly. But, you slip a couple of slant rhymes in too, which detracts. I suggest cleaning up "create / face", and perhaps "task / past". That last one is probably fine.
Just suggestions! It is your work, you're the boss! Best of luck to you! Dean
edited by Dean Wood on 8/23/2017
edited by Dean Wood on 8/23/2017
edited by Dean Wood on 8/23/2017
edited by Dean Wood on 8/23/2017
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