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Forum Home » Be Gentle » Hi this is my first try at a poem. Please help!

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/20/2012 10:30:45 PM


Posts:
Armour

In the dead of night a large indomitable shadow.
Still. Silent. Waiting within the nights embrace.
Cold hard steel with unforgiving sharp edges, lifeless,
unmoving and silent; Then
the whining of fuel pumps breaks the silence.
Suddenly the life force flows into the metal monstrosity.
The smell of diesel now as strong as the armour itself.
The turret springs into life,
like a mechanical head looking for the enemy.
Radios streaming information to the commander,
steady and constant, like a river filling a dam.
All around him other metal beasts come to life.
Like a deadly pride of Lions they move
into the darkness to hunt their prey.
Loud eruptions of fire and spark spew forth
from the end of the ever searching barrels.
Pandemonium erupts as the unforgiving beasts
tear into their pray.
The commander gives his final order. Then,
silence and darkness once again rule the night.
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Forum Home » Be Gentle » Hi this is my first try at a poem. Please help!






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