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1/11/2012 8:29:15 PM
Call me that house on your block.
The one with the open doors and closed windows.
The one only the old widow knows about
But refuses to tell about.
Shingles falling off, and crows
Moving in to their long lost home,
Nature reclaims slowly that house,
Green veins of life climb their dead brothers,
Violet an red buds that would've bloomed,
If only the wood rot hadn't gotten to them
You're all waiting for it to fall.
Call me THAT house on you block,
Call me: A Lost Cause
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1/13/2012 7:13:54 AM
A few thoughts after reading the poem a couple of times aloud:
- Pay attention to the use of tense, as inexplicable shifts can throw the reader and influence their understanding. Lines 5 and 6 did this to me.
-Repetition in poetry can reinforce the readers' understanding of something by underlining its importance. It can also be a useful tool to emphasise beat or measure, thus positively contributing to the poem's flow. However, outside of this context, it can be a distracting sort of "déjà vu" for the reader (which is what happened to me the first time I read lines 3 and 4).
-A little proof-reading would be welcome TLC, as there were a couple typos.
-I have to say I was a little taken aback when the poem started to address me ("You're all waiting for it to fall") as it didn't seem to have really noticed me prior to that. It was rather like in police dramas when the suspect is in an interrogation room and begins to address the police officers behind the one-way mirror. It was surprising and felt out of place.
All the best wishes of your future draft of your poem. :-)
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