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Forum Home » Be Gentle » What do you think. "Music"

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/4/2012 10:21:38 AM

Theresa Johnston
Posts: 2
Music is my bliss, happy, alonein my room
I hear the drumbeat, boomboom boom

Hours go by, slip away,one, two, five
Lyrics speak to me, deep,I’m so alive

Hip hop, jazz, rhythm andblues
Music unto me transfuse

The music lives in me, magnificent,sublime
I just want to jump, dance,move in time
edited by berrycreektree on 1/4/2012
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1/6/2012 12:57:10 PM

Adam Ballard
Posts: 2
I like it, the music is what life is about, well next to the expression of poetry and the way we use words. i think that the line "Lyrics speak to me, deep, I'm so alive" is a bit abrupt, would you think if you moved one line around so it wouldn't be so abrupt.

Lyrics speak to me deep inside, makes me feel so alive.

Unless you are going for a certain meter?

Satisfaction is the Death of Desire!
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Forum Home » Be Gentle » What do you think. "Music"

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